15km...16km...I was barely able to continue running. Each step I took became a mental struggle. My muscles were aching, my lower limbs were going numb, I can feel the abrasions on my feet forming despite my prophylactic bandaging, my toe nails were extremely painful. I was consistently being overtaken, out ran by some whom I had overtaken earlier. The finishing point seems so far away, completely the race seemed so impossible. Suddenly, the thought came to me "Just give up"...and on the iPod, the song played:
... 当失望的时候.不要放弃.不要放弃.
大声唱哈利路亚.
欢喜快乐吧.勇敢往前踏.
大声唱哈利路亚.
活出神放在心中的蓝图和盼望....
17km...18km...My right knee begin to develop a sharp pain. We were running pass Marina Bay Sands when I passed by Aaron who was coming in the opposite direction. He gave me a thumbs up and I returned it with a smile. But as I took a step to run, there was a snap and sharp pain over the lateral aspect of my right knee. Shucks, must be my ITB. I could only walk from then on and braved a few short distance of sprints before the pain came back and I had to walk.
I suddenly found myself praying. Dear Lord, I know that I cannot complete this race alone. My body is broken and I can barely move on. But I know that by your strength I can! Help me Lord! Run this race with me. Carry me on...
And I remember our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane. He too prayed for the cup of suffering to be lifted. His heart must be aching way more than my muscles are. Yet, He choose to carry on, knowing the extreme pain and torture that was to come. He ended His prayer with "Not my will but Yours be done".
Indeed, the journey of the cross is no easy one. During the Good Friday sermon, I recalled the pastor sharing that when God calls us to carry our cross, it is more than just a willingness to suffer extreme conditions, but a decision to bear our own struggles/weakness/imperfection/sins to follow Christ. It is a daily struggle, in big things and small, to decide against personal comfort/self interest, to follow Christ in His journey of the cross.
...十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
超乎我所求所想,
洗净我罪, 脱离污秽,
穿上公义洁白衣裳,
十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
我生命从此不再一样,
带我重回天父怀抱,
在永恒里我不停歌唱,十架的爱 ...
19km...20km.... I had not expected the final last km to be so convoluted. The finishing point was so near yet so far. I wanted to just sprint forward, to just finish the race, but my body simply would not let me. My leg muscles were cramping up, going into weird spams. The ITB pain was almost excruciating. I felt broken.
Christ must have suffered so much more as He bore the cross towards Golgotha. His body too was broken, after the numerous lashes and brutal beatings. He must have been bleeding from all the lacerations and abrasions. He wore the crown of thorns, which cut right through his scalp. He was carrying the wooden cross, which was not only physically heavy, but even mentally tortuously heavy, knowing full well that it will be upon that cross that He will be crucified. Yet He took each step closer to Golgotha, despite the agony and pain...He walked, fell, crawled towards Calvary...because He loved us
...On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown...
The last km... I was barely able to run anymore. I kept setting personal mental targets to reach, but failing them quickly. Once again, I doubted if I could even run pass the finishing line. Many who have already completed the race stood by cheering us on. I wanted to run, but my body simply wouldn't. I walked...walked...despair and helplessness raising with each step. Suddenly I felt a pat on my back. One of the SMTI sergeants, whom I had overtaken earlier ran pass me and shouted, "Don't give up". I returned with a quick chuckled, gathered all strength and fought the inertia.
As I made the final turn that brought me to he finishing lap, I raised my head and fixed my eyes on the finishing line. The world around me seem to fade away and the pain in my legs seem to become negligible. I was fixated on the finishing line, I was going to cross it.
Heb 12:1-3 immediately came to mind
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Phi 3: 13-14
"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
The finishing line was like the cross. I could almost feel God's welcoming embrace. By some miracle, my legs gained strength and they carried me through that last lap... I prayed, gave thanks, cried. Scenes of my life quickly flashed across. The many "races" in my life, the many painful and long enduring struggles I had to suffer, the many challenges which left me helpless and at times hopeless...But in every moment of desperation and helplessness, God provided strength and hope for me to move on. Each time I fixed upon Him, like the bronze snake in the desert, I was filled with healing and hope. Such unchanging love and faith, that is the power of the cross! That is the love of God.
After the race, the first thing I did was to msg Fangyu "It is finished". On the cross, as Christ drew His last breath, He said "It is finished". I finished the race for a personal pride that I have now completed 21km. Christ finished His ministry on earth by paying the price of our sins with His own blood. What a drastic comparison!
Easter Sunday, a celebration of Christ's victory over death, a reminder of Christ love for us, a renewal of our hope and faith in the cross, a reaffirmation that because He lives, we can face tomorrow! Indeed, in life's race, the finishing point is invisible to us, seemingly long and far away. We may be running, with all the aches and pain. Our bodies may be paralysed by the torturous pains, disabled by the helplessness of the situation. Worst still, some of us bear heavy burdens which weigh us down. We run, but yet seem to not be moving forward at all. People may overtake us, mock us, tease us. But always remember, we have Christ on whom we can fix our eyes upon. He is faithful and never changing. We have His assurance that He will never leave us or forsake us and will certainly carry us on His eagles wings. He calls us to be strong and courageous, to run the race towards the goal He has prepared for us.
Because He lives, there is no fear in tomorrow.
Because He lives, there is hope in tomorrow.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
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