The real deal

I'm into my 3rd week of being a doctor...and I'm still dumbfounded by this role that God has placed me in.

The power to heal...and kill...To build and to break, to love and to un-love. I feel like I'm standing in this thin balance where any small move will make or break...And how I hate such situations, to have so little space to manuever, to have so little confidence to propel, so little time to consider. It is truly out of my comfort zone...Yet I thank God for placing me where I am.

This is the real deal! This is the being of a compassionate, competent, Christian doctor I have been praying all my five years. And how I thank God for the vision He had given me right at the start of the journey, and how He hs promised me with a rainbow that He will see me through this journey.

Life in the wards is challenging. One is faced with many decisions, many relations. I can't multi-task for nuts and when things are thrown at me all of a sudden, I find myself simply lost in the pile of mess. Loving is not a mere emotion, but an action with rational decision. Deciding to love as Christ does takes great wisdom and humility, no more "gut feeling" but lots of prayful moments of inner conviction and inspiration.

Over the past 2 weeks, I have so often found myself in the dark side --- the uncompassionate, incompetent, self-centered me. I find a great struggle to even think WWJD, I find it a pain to pray, to think. What a great temptation it is to just be slack, get things done and survive. But I thank God He will not have me live my life so...How often He has rebuked me thru seniors, my dear bro Sam and many others, and also to encourage me thru them. All praise and glory to Him alone!!!

I have come to see my work as a worship and offering to God...and there can be NO substandards, not because I wanna shine in front of anyone, but cos I am accountable to Him, who has blessed me to bless others, who has called me to this office. Glory to God in the highest!!!