Got myself registered with the Singapore Medical Council, got my PC and number. For the first time in my life, I sign an offical document addressed to Dr Chua Yu Cong Eugene :)
I can hardly describe the joy of seeing my name on the PC. It's a beautiful dream come true, a prize received at the end of a race.
My heart was filled with awe and amazement as I looked back about the five years that God has brought me through. All the miracles He has revealed in my life, all the obstacles and challenges He has carried me through, all the precious experiences and lessons learnt...Indeed, all praise and glory to God, for it was by His grace and strength alone that I can run this race. It was a long race of bitter-sweet joys and sorrows. It was a race with many hurdles and pits. I fell. I hurt myself, but God's hand was always there. Through every tough time, He sent forth His blessing, assured me with His promise, and helped me to stand and run again.
And now, a new race has began.
This is the race to become the compassionate, competent Christian doc God has called me to be. Yes, it's so exciting at the starting point. I begin to recall all the lessons God has taught me, all the inspirational role models He has blessed me to meet and all the struggles that lie ahead. It's gonna be another painfully long race, but I am sure the Lord will lead.
For now, let's get our hearts settled right with the Lord, awaiting His gunshot and run the race!!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Monday, April 5, 2010
The "joys" of being a doctor
An account from my SIP days...
There’s this old lady under my team’s care who has a past medical history of
1) multiple myeloma
2) congestive heart failure
3) rheumatic arthritis
4) Fe/B12 deficiency
5) Osteoporosis
6) CVA
In addition, she has scabies, which is probably the reason why people choose to keep away from her. “Scabies is infectious!!! And you don’t want scabies” I admit that I would not go close to her without gloves and gown either.
If you have a heart, when you see this poor lady all curled up alone in her bed, you can’t help but have an ache. Bones and joints badly deformed due to RA, she lies there on bed like an embryo. She’s barely able to move, completely ADL dependent and feeds through an NG tube. On the few occasions I talked to her, she said she hasn’t eaten for days and wonders if she would die without eating. I tried my best to explain that her body is still receiving nutrient via the NGT and she’ll just nod, almost resigned to fate. (Ah, I wished I could get the speech therapiest to review her and see if she can start feeding. But then again, what if she aspirates? Plus, she’ll need some one to feed her. Yet, aren’t we robbing her of the simple pleasures of feeding, replacing it with an NGT? )
Walking along the corridors, you could often see Mdm X staring blankly into space, as if in her own fantasy world. I sure pray it’s beautiful memories that are flying through her mind, to bring her a smile or 2 as the days pass by. Yet would reality be so painful that she has simply accepted the “life” she now has, confined to the bed she stays, her world limited to the narrow visual field her eyes are permitted to see. Being ignorant to such a great torturous truth seemed like the more comforting alternative.
No one visits Mdm X, at least in my knowledge. You can even feel an invisible ring surrounding her that seems cursed, where no one wants to tread. Lonely and alone, I shudder to consider such painful loneliness. Won’t life be meaningless when you are in this pitiful state? And God said He came to give us life, and life to fullest. I can hardly see any life in Mdm X.
When asked what she hoped for, her only answer was to return to her former old folks home (at Orchard road). Hearing that is like a stab through my heart. I do not doubt the care the hospital here, but wherever that old folks home is, it's truly home...and yet it ain't a real home, by my definition.
The most painful stroke for me was when I had to set an IV line for Mdm X. I know I’m lousy at IV lines to start with. Her veins are not the most difficult ones, by my standard. They were palpable and visible. Yet as I set my first one, the tubing got kicked :( Already, Mdm X was screaming in pain, the slow, deep wrenching scream of sheer pain. Yet I failed!!! Oh, how I prayed for a success, that I would not have to do it a second time. But why did I fail? Why is it always me who have to inflict pain on others…
How I wish I can vow to never inflict pain again. But yet I know that wld be impossible. I know my limitations and my weakness. But I know, in God, all things are possible...I just have to trust Him, to guide me to care for my patients.
There’s this old lady under my team’s care who has a past medical history of
1) multiple myeloma
2) congestive heart failure
3) rheumatic arthritis
4) Fe/B12 deficiency
5) Osteoporosis
6) CVA
In addition, she has scabies, which is probably the reason why people choose to keep away from her. “Scabies is infectious!!! And you don’t want scabies” I admit that I would not go close to her without gloves and gown either.
If you have a heart, when you see this poor lady all curled up alone in her bed, you can’t help but have an ache. Bones and joints badly deformed due to RA, she lies there on bed like an embryo. She’s barely able to move, completely ADL dependent and feeds through an NG tube. On the few occasions I talked to her, she said she hasn’t eaten for days and wonders if she would die without eating. I tried my best to explain that her body is still receiving nutrient via the NGT and she’ll just nod, almost resigned to fate. (Ah, I wished I could get the speech therapiest to review her and see if she can start feeding. But then again, what if she aspirates? Plus, she’ll need some one to feed her. Yet, aren’t we robbing her of the simple pleasures of feeding, replacing it with an NGT? )
Walking along the corridors, you could often see Mdm X staring blankly into space, as if in her own fantasy world. I sure pray it’s beautiful memories that are flying through her mind, to bring her a smile or 2 as the days pass by. Yet would reality be so painful that she has simply accepted the “life” she now has, confined to the bed she stays, her world limited to the narrow visual field her eyes are permitted to see. Being ignorant to such a great torturous truth seemed like the more comforting alternative.
No one visits Mdm X, at least in my knowledge. You can even feel an invisible ring surrounding her that seems cursed, where no one wants to tread. Lonely and alone, I shudder to consider such painful loneliness. Won’t life be meaningless when you are in this pitiful state? And God said He came to give us life, and life to fullest. I can hardly see any life in Mdm X.
When asked what she hoped for, her only answer was to return to her former old folks home (at Orchard road). Hearing that is like a stab through my heart. I do not doubt the care the hospital here, but wherever that old folks home is, it's truly home...and yet it ain't a real home, by my definition.
The most painful stroke for me was when I had to set an IV line for Mdm X. I know I’m lousy at IV lines to start with. Her veins are not the most difficult ones, by my standard. They were palpable and visible. Yet as I set my first one, the tubing got kicked :( Already, Mdm X was screaming in pain, the slow, deep wrenching scream of sheer pain. Yet I failed!!! Oh, how I prayed for a success, that I would not have to do it a second time. But why did I fail? Why is it always me who have to inflict pain on others…
How I wish I can vow to never inflict pain again. But yet I know that wld be impossible. I know my limitations and my weakness. But I know, in God, all things are possible...I just have to trust Him, to guide me to care for my patients.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Remember the cross
This is one Good Friday which doesn't feel Good friday-ish. Maybe cos the holiday is in the middle of my holiday so don't have that extra feel. Maybe I haven't been to church for a while and have missed the lent reminder (大斋). Maybe my sphere of Christian influence are mostly overseas...But no matter what, there can be no excuse and I am truly ashamed that I haven't spent time reflecting on the cross...forgive me Lord.
But I thank God for my church pastor Rev Titus Zhang. He is truely a gifted speaker. He speaks with great wisdom from God, founding his sermon closely onto the Word and inspiring his sheep to follow after Christ. What a blessing it is to be led by such a shephard...haha, to think that I was angst with him once, foolish me.
Rev Zhang shared a very interesting perspective of the cross...rejection and seperation.(十架上的离弃). The cross marked Christ's rejection by many. (1) the Jews who welcomed Him with palm leaves and shouts of praise were the people who shouted "Crucify Him". (2) His beloved disciple Peter denied Him 3 times, each with a stronger curse. (3) God the Father forsaking Him as He bore the sins of th world.
(1) & (2) Why was there such rejection? It was because Christ did not meet their expectations. When the Jews failed to learn the meaning of Messiah, they found Jesus unfit to be their King as He proclaims. And similarly, when Christ was no longer in a powerful state, Peter's humanly reaction was to run away. Isn't it so between man-man r/s? So often, r/s fall apart becasue one party fails to meet another party's expectations...I can think of a very personal friendship that fits the description.
(3) But not so in the Father's rejection of the Son! Yes, this was a painful rejection, when Christ shouted "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mat 27: 46). It was a terrible seperation of the perfect Trinity. Yet, upon this rejection was the bridge of reconciliation! For it was through Christ's sacrifice that we can have eternal life and be reunited with God.
When we survey the wonderous cross, do we not see God's great sacrifice and love? How then can we achieve such reconciliation between God and Man? Only when we commit our spirits into the Father's hands, just as Christ did!
Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.
But I thank God for my church pastor Rev Titus Zhang. He is truely a gifted speaker. He speaks with great wisdom from God, founding his sermon closely onto the Word and inspiring his sheep to follow after Christ. What a blessing it is to be led by such a shephard...haha, to think that I was angst with him once, foolish me.
Rev Zhang shared a very interesting perspective of the cross...rejection and seperation.(十架上的离弃). The cross marked Christ's rejection by many. (1) the Jews who welcomed Him with palm leaves and shouts of praise were the people who shouted "Crucify Him". (2) His beloved disciple Peter denied Him 3 times, each with a stronger curse. (3) God the Father forsaking Him as He bore the sins of th world.
(1) & (2) Why was there such rejection? It was because Christ did not meet their expectations. When the Jews failed to learn the meaning of Messiah, they found Jesus unfit to be their King as He proclaims. And similarly, when Christ was no longer in a powerful state, Peter's humanly reaction was to run away. Isn't it so between man-man r/s? So often, r/s fall apart becasue one party fails to meet another party's expectations...I can think of a very personal friendship that fits the description.
(3) But not so in the Father's rejection of the Son! Yes, this was a painful rejection, when Christ shouted "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mat 27: 46). It was a terrible seperation of the perfect Trinity. Yet, upon this rejection was the bridge of reconciliation! For it was through Christ's sacrifice that we can have eternal life and be reunited with God.
When we survey the wonderous cross, do we not see God's great sacrifice and love? How then can we achieve such reconciliation between God and Man? Only when we commit our spirits into the Father's hands, just as Christ did!
Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.
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