God is all I desire

I'm on leave!!!! And my leave is ending :(

But I'm extremely thankful for this short break. It's a good rest in many sense of the rest. Physical rest (more time to sleep), mental rest (don't need to think about work) and most important of all, Spiritual rest (Amen!!!). It was also a time to catch up with family and friends, to renew relationships lost due to the business of work.

2 miraculous events I must mention, and give thanks for :)

1) I've finally, and completely finished another book :) The Great Divorce by C. S. Liews. Thank God for such a proliferic writer who has brought out such deep and thought-provoking ideas. Through many of the examples of "people in hell", one point was made, heaven is the place where man desires God and Him alone. It doesn't potray a selfish, self-deluded God, but reflects God's great love for us. Hell is a place where we are trapped in our own desires, unable to break free. It is indeed sad, to be unable to break away from the bondage on earth (be it relationships, ideals, things we treasure and hold onto), having to carry it onto our afterlife, allowing them to continue to trouble us. No wonder Christ often remind us, if we are to follow Him, we must "carry our cross, deny ourselves" Mat 16:24-25

And it is even scarier to be looking on these people from a thrid person point of view cos these pple reflect the very things that I hold on to dearly. My family, many of my ideals/values, friends...And these things are so so subtle, some I even consider it's pursual a Godly thing. But Liews portrays a pastor in hell, so obsessed about sharing the gospel that he actually forgot the Star of the gospel. Reaching heaven, he chose to return to hell wanting to share the gospel rather than being with God. Indeed, it is so easy to be caught up with the work that we often forget our motivation for the work. Just as 许牧师 reminded us today from Mary/Martha and Jesus's encounter " Martha...you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 41-42

As I reflected on the book, I realised that I don't really love God...that having God as my heart's sole desire is so so difficult. The world has just too many things that bind my heart, stealing that throne fit for my King. I can delude myself saying that they are God centered, but honestly, when it comes to the crunch at the gates of heaven, would I be able to let them all go to be filled with God and God alone?

Father, fill my heart with your presence once more. Clear that throne room of my life of everything that is keeping me from you. Oh Lord, I pray that YOU are the only motivation for everything in my life, my love for my family, Fangyu, ministry, friends, work...Father, may it stem only from You!

2) I completely lost my voice this morning when I woke up!!! On any other sunday that would not have been a matter of major concern. But this morning, I was going to lead worship!!!! OMG!!! How to lead worship when I can't even speak!?!?!? But instead of devastation and panic that gripped me, I was filled with peace and one reminder...Pray!! And thank God that's what I did.

God worked His miraculous hand to orchestrate a wonderful service with a voiceless worship leader. What a beautiful reminded that the worship does not depend on me alone. Not singing for 80% of the service has given me the opportunity to appreciate the importance of the music team, of the tech team and of the whole congregation singing in unison. What beautiful worship that is, to worship God in truth and Spirit. En route to church, I kept thinking, would a voiceless worship leader cause the whole service to become very messy? But God reminded me, and affirmed, our worship is to Him and He is the center of our worship. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can make that worship less, when we worship Him from our hearts.

Father, teach us as a church to worship you from our hearts, to make a music so beautiful pleasing to Your ears, a river that flows declaring Your glory, a fragrance so sweet spreading Your love and blessing...as a church.