Our stay at Freshfields taichung is coming to an end. These 5 days here have been most refreshing and inspiring. Thank God for blessing us with the opportunity for rest n reflection, to have the time and energy to reflect on life and his Word. Thank God also for GoodTV, which has accompanied us daily, being a source of inspiration n encouragement. It's almost like attending a church camp :-)
Am still in the midist of writing for the church bullettin, but no inspiration from God yet. Rather, I thank God for walking me thru my blog again after so long, to look back at His work in my life. Once again, i am so amazed by His consistant prssence thru out my life. Situations change, my character/attitudes change, but God is never changing. Thank God for His blessings and encouragement, to have the courage to move on with life.
Much challenges lie ahead. Army life, getting married and marriage life, career path, ministry commitments...there's just so much qns marks ahead of me. I'm excited, but also scared...would I be able to make the wise decisions? would I have the discipline and will not to fall into temptation? Would i still be able to be a good Christian doctor/husband/son/friend? Would I stil be a Christian?
The future is indeed uncertain. Yet i have faith in our never changing Father. He has proven he is alive, through His hand in my life, and the lives of many others.
I can face tmr...because He lives!!!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Pause
Am on a trip with dagu/ergu/nainai...and trips with them mean only one thing --- relax!!!
Day one at taichung, and we were blessed to find goodTV, a local Christian channel. And the sermon by Dr Charles Standley spoke right to my heart, as the Spirit hit the rigt nerve --- Discipline.
Indeed, my life had been in such a mess. I have just too many commitments, some immediate appt, others preperatory stuff that needs to be done. Life is too busy, plus the change in work attitude...my life is almost devoid of spiritual refreshing, devoid of God. Everyday is but another day that passes by, nothing special, nothing new, no meaning. Strugles are forgotten, lessons are missed and mistakes are re made. Living for the moment ya.
But that is not the life God wld want us to live. He came to give us meaningful life, He is the meaning to our lives. But how can i receive such a life if i live being carried in the wind, following where it goes, without a clear direction, yet blown in every diection?
Indeed, i need disciple, a commitment to God in various aspects of my life. Many small, seemingly insignificant areas that i really need to start working on. Rest, time, money, tongue...need to start commiting them to God. One advice that Dr Standley shared was saying NO by the power of the Spirit. Yeah, often find myself trapped in saying yes to too many things. Yes to more commitments, yes to facebooking for another 1 min, yes to going out fpr dinners when dinner is wating for me at home, yes to setting another plug when mydear is waitting for me. I need to learn to let my yes be yes and no be no.
It aint going to be easy, and i suspect the Lord will make use of army to shape me up. What aan encouragement that is!!! Oh thank God for being such a loving father who disciplines His children.
Father Lord, thank u somuch for these few days of reflection and prayer. Lord, i know the challenges ahead are tough, but I ask for ur wisdom and stregthem to overcome. Please guide my every step, make my heart sensitive to ur every warning and grant me the will to say no in ur name! Amen!
we are the most atypical tourist. We dont visit the usual touristy places (its ok if dont see the taj mahal if we went to india...but then again, we wont go india), dont do the usual touristy things or stay in the touristy places. Our agenda is simple: convenient, hassel free, non-rushed, no fixed itinary, easy to travel (wif wheelchair) that is less than 6h flight from Singapore.
What does this spell? A truly relaxing holiday. And that's what we have been doinb the past few days in taichung.
To some, it may sound boring and a waste of money. But to us, that's what a holiday sld be :) spending time aw***
And by God's guidance and grace, I prayed that this trip would not be wasted, like some of the previous other ones, but God wld help me spend time with Him and to be refreshed in spirit again. Praise the Lord, for that was exactly what He had blessed me with...not without some awakening.
Day one at taichung, and we were blessed to find goodTV, a local Christian channel. And the sermon by Dr Charles Standley spoke right to my heart, as the Spirit hit the rigt nerve --- Discipline.
Indeed, my life had been in such a mess. I have just too many commitments, some immediate appt, others preperatory stuff that needs to be done. Life is too busy, plus the change in work attitude...my life is almost devoid of spiritual refreshing, devoid of God. Everyday is but another day that passes by, nothing special, nothing new, no meaning. Strugles are forgotten, lessons are missed and mistakes are re made. Living for the moment ya.
But that is not the life God wld want us to live. He came to give us meaningful life, He is the meaning to our lives. But how can i receive such a life if i live being carried in the wind, following where it goes, without a clear direction, yet blown in every diection?
Indeed, i need disciple, a commitment to God in various aspects of my life. Many small, seemingly insignificant areas that i really need to start working on. Rest, time, money, tongue...need to start commiting them to God. One advice that Dr Standley shared was saying NO by the power of the Spirit. Yeah, often find myself trapped in saying yes to too many things. Yes to more commitments, yes to facebooking for another 1 min, yes to going out fpr dinners when dinner is wating for me at home, yes to setting another plug when mydear is waitting for me. I need to learn to let my yes be yes and no be no.
It aint going to be easy, and i suspect the Lord will make use of army to shape me up. What aan encouragement that is!!! Oh thank God for being such a loving father who disciplines His children.
Father Lord, thank u somuch for these few days of reflection and prayer. Lord, i know the challenges ahead are tough, but I ask for ur wisdom and stregthem to overcome. Please guide my every step, make my heart sensitive to ur every warning and grant me the will to say no in ur name! Amen!
***ay from the hustle of life (and not having more schedules to catch), to do things we dont get to do back home, spend time with each other, and also with God.
Amen to that
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Post Boracay thoughts
Woke up puking the first night home...knew I'm in for a bad GE. Spiked fever, barely even able to walk to the clinic (thank God for Andrew). Suffered a day or 2...But it was a blessing in disguise.
Had extra time to sort things out, the other many things in my life that I had nicely chucked away under the pressure of work. Spent time looking through facebook, seeing how all my old friends are...some I almost could not recognise after the many years since we met. Ah, such friendship...and such a pity to have moved on without them. As life goes on, we make new friends...but does that mean we leave our old ones behind? Yet we all have only so many hours a day, how can we keep up with all our friends?
Boracay was beautiful!!!! And we can only thank God and praise Him in view His glory. The clear blue sky, crystal clear water and white sandy beaches. I almost could not believe the photos I took. They were so beautiful it looks almost artificial :) But God brought us physically there, to enjoy such wonder, to bless us with great sun and beautiful weather, and openned our eyes to witness His creation. To creation, the bible has it "And He saw that it was good"...AMEN!!!!
But above the beauty of nature, God has blessed me especially, with dear friends, brothers and sisters in Christ. This trip, through Sam, Jon and Dawn, God has taught me so much and openned my eyes to see the flith inside me, the dirtiness which I have been blinded to or chosen not to acknowledge. Indeed, true friends point out your darkest mistakes hoping that u become someone better, and I praise God for blessing me with such friends.
Some lessons
1. As much as I have always advocate critising one's motivation, I realised just how little I qns my own motivation in doing things. Like bargining, realised how petty I can be to try and under cut others for the fun of it. Need to learn to respect others for the goods they provide, recognising that this is their means of living. Eg One gave above the bargined price cos he felt that the handmade goods were worth paying for, though I emphasised that the cost price is probably much lesser.
2. Had lost my passion and sensitivity for envangelism/bible reading/regular devotion until this trip, when I witnessed once again just how being deeply rooted in the word produces the fruits of the Spirit...and yea, my tree was definitely dying. Thank God for the reminder and for reigniting the passion and discipline (thru worry for my own Spiritual well-being and urgency before it is too late I must say). Need to start reading again...no more excuses!!!
Need to be more sensitive to opportunities to share. Realised just how many chances to share the gospel had slipped pass me and also just how bad a testimony I have been. Hyporite!!!! Oh God, humble me and shape my heart to be like yours, to be eager to be a blessing and direct others to you!
Need to be more prayerful...spontaneous prayer. For God hears!!! Better to pray NOW then say I'll pray later and forget all about it.
3. Not everything in life can be explained. Not every explaination fits every situation. We are all different, from different culture/background/situation...and thus being diverse, we cannot assume that everyone, every situation is the same. But nonetheless, our God never changes! He is the same yesterday, today, everyday! And thus it is important to hold on the His principles and work things out from there.
What a trip, of physical resting and Spiritual revival. Praise the Lord!!! Father, I pray that the lessons you have taught me will not be forgotten. Please continue to shape my dull and broken heart, revive my spirit so that my life will scream JESUS CHRIST!!! and not me. Amen.
Had extra time to sort things out, the other many things in my life that I had nicely chucked away under the pressure of work. Spent time looking through facebook, seeing how all my old friends are...some I almost could not recognise after the many years since we met. Ah, such friendship...and such a pity to have moved on without them. As life goes on, we make new friends...but does that mean we leave our old ones behind? Yet we all have only so many hours a day, how can we keep up with all our friends?
Boracay was beautiful!!!! And we can only thank God and praise Him in view His glory. The clear blue sky, crystal clear water and white sandy beaches. I almost could not believe the photos I took. They were so beautiful it looks almost artificial :) But God brought us physically there, to enjoy such wonder, to bless us with great sun and beautiful weather, and openned our eyes to witness His creation. To creation, the bible has it "And He saw that it was good"...AMEN!!!!
But above the beauty of nature, God has blessed me especially, with dear friends, brothers and sisters in Christ. This trip, through Sam, Jon and Dawn, God has taught me so much and openned my eyes to see the flith inside me, the dirtiness which I have been blinded to or chosen not to acknowledge. Indeed, true friends point out your darkest mistakes hoping that u become someone better, and I praise God for blessing me with such friends.
Some lessons
1. As much as I have always advocate critising one's motivation, I realised just how little I qns my own motivation in doing things. Like bargining, realised how petty I can be to try and under cut others for the fun of it. Need to learn to respect others for the goods they provide, recognising that this is their means of living. Eg One gave above the bargined price cos he felt that the handmade goods were worth paying for, though I emphasised that the cost price is probably much lesser.
2. Had lost my passion and sensitivity for envangelism/bible reading/regular devotion until this trip, when I witnessed once again just how being deeply rooted in the word produces the fruits of the Spirit...and yea, my tree was definitely dying. Thank God for the reminder and for reigniting the passion and discipline (thru worry for my own Spiritual well-being and urgency before it is too late I must say). Need to start reading again...no more excuses!!!
Need to be more sensitive to opportunities to share. Realised just how many chances to share the gospel had slipped pass me and also just how bad a testimony I have been. Hyporite!!!! Oh God, humble me and shape my heart to be like yours, to be eager to be a blessing and direct others to you!
Need to be more prayerful...spontaneous prayer. For God hears!!! Better to pray NOW then say I'll pray later and forget all about it.
3. Not everything in life can be explained. Not every explaination fits every situation. We are all different, from different culture/background/situation...and thus being diverse, we cannot assume that everyone, every situation is the same. But nonetheless, our God never changes! He is the same yesterday, today, everyday! And thus it is important to hold on the His principles and work things out from there.
What a trip, of physical resting and Spiritual revival. Praise the Lord!!! Father, I pray that the lessons you have taught me will not be forgotten. Please continue to shape my dull and broken heart, revive my spirit so that my life will scream JESUS CHRIST!!! and not me. Amen.
Friday, May 6, 2011
General elections 2011
I think I have grown old enough, to see and to hear...
This elections is not about a political warfare
This elections is not about charisma.
This elections is about the people of Singapore, my fellow country man, my home.
This elections is about the society at large, to standup for social injustices, to allow the hidden issues well masked to be surfaced and debated.
This elections is about breaking the porcelin doll, to reveal the dark and rotten inside, so that it can be cleaned.
I thank God for blessing Singapore. We have had a good government and much opportunities to progress and grow. But it is time for us to be responisble of the progress we have. To not allow economics/finance/money to blind us from the many issues that are swept under the carpet.
My dear fellow Singaporeans, pls vote wisely, for a better tmr!!
May God bless Singapore!!!!
This elections is not about a political warfare
This elections is not about charisma.
This elections is about the people of Singapore, my fellow country man, my home.
This elections is about the society at large, to standup for social injustices, to allow the hidden issues well masked to be surfaced and debated.
This elections is about breaking the porcelin doll, to reveal the dark and rotten inside, so that it can be cleaned.
I thank God for blessing Singapore. We have had a good government and much opportunities to progress and grow. But it is time for us to be responisble of the progress we have. To not allow economics/finance/money to blind us from the many issues that are swept under the carpet.
My dear fellow Singaporeans, pls vote wisely, for a better tmr!!
May God bless Singapore!!!!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
When the loving gets difficult
For a moment it crossed my mind. I want to simply stop loving. Stop being nice. Stop being accomodationg.
I just wanted to show my maximal angst, vent all my frustrations, throw my weight around, give others a piece of my mind, make my point know, have things my way...
But the Lord stopped me...
Sunday, March 6, 2011
God is all I desire
I'm on leave!!!! And my leave is ending :(
But I'm extremely thankful for this short break. It's a good rest in many sense of the rest. Physical rest (more time to sleep), mental rest (don't need to think about work) and most important of all, Spiritual rest (Amen!!!). It was also a time to catch up with family and friends, to renew relationships lost due to the business of work.
2 miraculous events I must mention, and give thanks for :)
1) I've finally, and completely finished another book :) The Great Divorce by C. S. Liews. Thank God for such a proliferic writer who has brought out such deep and thought-provoking ideas. Through many of the examples of "people in hell", one point was made, heaven is the place where man desires God and Him alone. It doesn't potray a selfish, self-deluded God, but reflects God's great love for us. Hell is a place where we are trapped in our own desires, unable to break free. It is indeed sad, to be unable to break away from the bondage on earth (be it relationships, ideals, things we treasure and hold onto), having to carry it onto our afterlife, allowing them to continue to trouble us. No wonder Christ often remind us, if we are to follow Him, we must "carry our cross, deny ourselves" Mat 16:24-25
And it is even scarier to be looking on these people from a thrid person point of view cos these pple reflect the very things that I hold on to dearly. My family, many of my ideals/values, friends...And these things are so so subtle, some I even consider it's pursual a Godly thing. But Liews portrays a pastor in hell, so obsessed about sharing the gospel that he actually forgot the Star of the gospel. Reaching heaven, he chose to return to hell wanting to share the gospel rather than being with God. Indeed, it is so easy to be caught up with the work that we often forget our motivation for the work. Just as 许牧师 reminded us today from Mary/Martha and Jesus's encounter " Martha...you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 41-42
As I reflected on the book, I realised that I don't really love God...that having God as my heart's sole desire is so so difficult. The world has just too many things that bind my heart, stealing that throne fit for my King. I can delude myself saying that they are God centered, but honestly, when it comes to the crunch at the gates of heaven, would I be able to let them all go to be filled with God and God alone?
Father, fill my heart with your presence once more. Clear that throne room of my life of everything that is keeping me from you. Oh Lord, I pray that YOU are the only motivation for everything in my life, my love for my family, Fangyu, ministry, friends, work...Father, may it stem only from You!
2) I completely lost my voice this morning when I woke up!!! On any other sunday that would not have been a matter of major concern. But this morning, I was going to lead worship!!!! OMG!!! How to lead worship when I can't even speak!?!?!? But instead of devastation and panic that gripped me, I was filled with peace and one reminder...Pray!! And thank God that's what I did.
God worked His miraculous hand to orchestrate a wonderful service with a voiceless worship leader. What a beautiful reminded that the worship does not depend on me alone. Not singing for 80% of the service has given me the opportunity to appreciate the importance of the music team, of the tech team and of the whole congregation singing in unison. What beautiful worship that is, to worship God in truth and Spirit. En route to church, I kept thinking, would a voiceless worship leader cause the whole service to become very messy? But God reminded me, and affirmed, our worship is to Him and He is the center of our worship. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can make that worship less, when we worship Him from our hearts.
Father, teach us as a church to worship you from our hearts, to make a music so beautiful pleasing to Your ears, a river that flows declaring Your glory, a fragrance so sweet spreading Your love and blessing...as a church.
But I'm extremely thankful for this short break. It's a good rest in many sense of the rest. Physical rest (more time to sleep), mental rest (don't need to think about work) and most important of all, Spiritual rest (Amen!!!). It was also a time to catch up with family and friends, to renew relationships lost due to the business of work.
2 miraculous events I must mention, and give thanks for :)
1) I've finally, and completely finished another book :) The Great Divorce by C. S. Liews. Thank God for such a proliferic writer who has brought out such deep and thought-provoking ideas. Through many of the examples of "people in hell", one point was made, heaven is the place where man desires God and Him alone. It doesn't potray a selfish, self-deluded God, but reflects God's great love for us. Hell is a place where we are trapped in our own desires, unable to break free. It is indeed sad, to be unable to break away from the bondage on earth (be it relationships, ideals, things we treasure and hold onto), having to carry it onto our afterlife, allowing them to continue to trouble us. No wonder Christ often remind us, if we are to follow Him, we must "carry our cross, deny ourselves" Mat 16:24-25
And it is even scarier to be looking on these people from a thrid person point of view cos these pple reflect the very things that I hold on to dearly. My family, many of my ideals/values, friends...And these things are so so subtle, some I even consider it's pursual a Godly thing. But Liews portrays a pastor in hell, so obsessed about sharing the gospel that he actually forgot the Star of the gospel. Reaching heaven, he chose to return to hell wanting to share the gospel rather than being with God. Indeed, it is so easy to be caught up with the work that we often forget our motivation for the work. Just as 许牧师 reminded us today from Mary/Martha and Jesus's encounter " Martha...you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 41-42
As I reflected on the book, I realised that I don't really love God...that having God as my heart's sole desire is so so difficult. The world has just too many things that bind my heart, stealing that throne fit for my King. I can delude myself saying that they are God centered, but honestly, when it comes to the crunch at the gates of heaven, would I be able to let them all go to be filled with God and God alone?
Father, fill my heart with your presence once more. Clear that throne room of my life of everything that is keeping me from you. Oh Lord, I pray that YOU are the only motivation for everything in my life, my love for my family, Fangyu, ministry, friends, work...Father, may it stem only from You!
2) I completely lost my voice this morning when I woke up!!! On any other sunday that would not have been a matter of major concern. But this morning, I was going to lead worship!!!! OMG!!! How to lead worship when I can't even speak!?!?!? But instead of devastation and panic that gripped me, I was filled with peace and one reminder...Pray!! And thank God that's what I did.
God worked His miraculous hand to orchestrate a wonderful service with a voiceless worship leader. What a beautiful reminded that the worship does not depend on me alone. Not singing for 80% of the service has given me the opportunity to appreciate the importance of the music team, of the tech team and of the whole congregation singing in unison. What beautiful worship that is, to worship God in truth and Spirit. En route to church, I kept thinking, would a voiceless worship leader cause the whole service to become very messy? But God reminded me, and affirmed, our worship is to Him and He is the center of our worship. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can make that worship less, when we worship Him from our hearts.
Father, teach us as a church to worship you from our hearts, to make a music so beautiful pleasing to Your ears, a river that flows declaring Your glory, a fragrance so sweet spreading Your love and blessing...as a church.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
新年，新生命
新年，新生命
许牧师
What is a new beginning to us as Christians?
Mark 5:1-18
We must first have an encouter with Christ!!
1. 耶稣让我们看见我们生命的黑暗/软落。
Mark 5:2-6 --> being bounded n kept in the dark gloomy graveyard. Does our life also have that dark miserable point?
so how did things change? He had an encouter wif Christ!!! When Christ comes into our life,
- he gives light to shine in the darkness of our life
- to give a new perspective to the struggles we face (our self centeredness, weakness, sin... )
- to give strength n courage to overcome our weakness
"Dear Lord, I have a big problem in my life, causing me so much miseary, holding me back from moving forward. help me Lord!"
2. 耶稣让我们看见生命新的意义，肯定生命的价值。
Jesus came specially to visit this demon possessed man, out of his way/culture and to consider his life much more worthy compared to 2 thousand pigs.
Our life has great value in Christ!! But we are too often blinded by the worldly values to see just how precious we are in Christ. As a result, we blindly pursue the empty values of the world, to become miserable n empty wif the temporal values.
So, have we been seeing others as valuable people? the sick whale in the ward, the uncle sweeping the floor, the troublesome family? Oh Lord, forgive me for thinking i am more valuable than others, help me to see ur glory in others.
3. 生命有新 的方向，领受 生命的呼召。
Have we seeked the direction n calling God has given us?
Ah, a new year with many new beginnings :) time to be on my knees to pray.
许牧师
What is a new beginning to us as Christians?
Mark 5:1-18
We must first have an encouter with Christ!!
1. 耶稣让我们看见我们生命的黑暗/软落。
Mark 5:2-6 --> being bounded n kept in the dark gloomy graveyard. Does our life also have that dark miserable point?
so how did things change? He had an encouter wif Christ!!! When Christ comes into our life,
- he gives light to shine in the darkness of our life
- to give a new perspective to the struggles we face (our self centeredness, weakness, sin... )
- to give strength n courage to overcome our weakness
"Dear Lord, I have a big problem in my life, causing me so much miseary, holding me back from moving forward. help me Lord!"
2. 耶稣让我们看见生命新的意义，肯定生命的价值。
Jesus came specially to visit this demon possessed man, out of his way/culture and to consider his life much more worthy compared to 2 thousand pigs.
Our life has great value in Christ!! But we are too often blinded by the worldly values to see just how precious we are in Christ. As a result, we blindly pursue the empty values of the world, to become miserable n empty wif the temporal values.
So, have we been seeing others as valuable people? the sick whale in the ward, the uncle sweeping the floor, the troublesome family? Oh Lord, forgive me for thinking i am more valuable than others, help me to see ur glory in others.
3. 生命有新 的方向，领受 生命的呼召。
Have we seeked the direction n calling God has given us?
Ah, a new year with many new beginnings :) time to be on my knees to pray.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A child again
I thank God.
For reminding me, that im just a child in His eyes. a child, learning to grow, preciously held, stubborn at times, yet loved.
Indeed, todays intro bible study has revealled so much inside me. declaring God's glory was the title, n I tot, I ve heard so much about it in cf, wats new? n God, thru Sarah, slapped me real hard wif this "If we think we know God's glory, then we are truly blind". I tot i had a wealth of christian experience, of better christian knowledge than others. but i suddenly realised, painfully, that all these did not matter.
My life has been increasing devoid of God. i m losing the very innocence n joy of having faith n trusting in God. my r/s wif others,is soon taking up a senior/superior form "i ve got income", "I've got knowledge", "I'm a doctor, u are not"
Even in church ministry, I think I m spirtually way ahead, served in so many vocations, had much bible study n lessons. but God has helped me realise that i m no more than a child, learning to serve n love Him again.
At work, I realise MBBS is really nothing. i have almost forgotten all the knowledge n skills i ve gain. Indeed, as I work (and see my seniors) work (or even my juniors around practicing), I think they are so much better me. I am a dangerous doctor...and the greatest danger is that I don't recognise the danger.
For reminding me, that im just a child in His eyes. a child, learning to grow, preciously held, stubborn at times, yet loved.
Indeed, todays intro bible study has revealled so much inside me. declaring God's glory was the title, n I tot, I ve heard so much about it in cf, wats new? n God, thru Sarah, slapped me real hard wif this "If we think we know God's glory, then we are truly blind". I tot i had a wealth of christian experience, of better christian knowledge than others. but i suddenly realised, painfully, that all these did not matter.
My life has been increasing devoid of God. i m losing the very innocence n joy of having faith n trusting in God. my r/s wif others,is soon taking up a senior/superior form "i ve got income", "I've got knowledge", "I'm a doctor, u are not"
Even in church ministry, I think I m spirtually way ahead, served in so many vocations, had much bible study n lessons. but God has helped me realise that i m no more than a child, learning to serve n love Him again.
At work, I realise MBBS is really nothing. i have almost forgotten all the knowledge n skills i ve gain. Indeed, as I work (and see my seniors) work (or even my juniors around practicing), I think they are so much better me. I am a dangerous doctor...and the greatest danger is that I don't recognise the danger.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I don't want to grow up
Talked to andrew earlier, n realised just how much i dont want to grow.
Andrew suggested tat i do some tough speciality n get good training. my mind sings the same song, but my heart is so weary about it. after going thru these months of pain, i dont really want to suffer it again. i just want a break!!! but do i need it?
Then here we are thinking about our xiaozhu's future, about finding a new leader, n fang yu suggested that being a leader is a good spiritual training, n i realised how much i dread growing up too *thanks zhengxin for e massage*
I have been wanting to take up the role of being a grp leader, but i know i cant. i dont have a clear burden, no direction. but i think back about the joys of leading cf, and i wonder why i cant do it now?
Ah, not to forget gcube. Did I not joined gcube cos I wanted to struggle and work out my faith? but i have been so dorment and inactive. Where has all the drive and passion gone? Where has the passion to grow in the Lord gone?
I dont want to grow up!!! i have not e courage to take up new burden, no heart to learn, no will to take the road of suffering...
But yet i know i must. i know God will want me to. but my heart...it is so weak, so waery...oh Lord, save me, speak to me n grant me the courage to move on. if not, my life wld crumble, my relationships will fail n my faith will be non-existance.
Father, pls also give me wisdom to learn n know where u wld want me to put my energies in. teach me to seek ur kingdom, ur will n to follow ur direction. help me Lord.\par}
Andrew suggested tat i do some tough speciality n get good training. my mind sings the same song, but my heart is so weary about it. after going thru these months of pain, i dont really want to suffer it again. i just want a break!!! but do i need it?
Then here we are thinking about our xiaozhu's future, about finding a new leader, n fang yu suggested that being a leader is a good spiritual training, n i realised how much i dread growing up too *thanks zhengxin for e massage*
I have been wanting to take up the role of being a grp leader, but i know i cant. i dont have a clear burden, no direction. but i think back about the joys of leading cf, and i wonder why i cant do it now?
Ah, not to forget gcube. Did I not joined gcube cos I wanted to struggle and work out my faith? but i have been so dorment and inactive. Where has all the drive and passion gone? Where has the passion to grow in the Lord gone?
I dont want to grow up!!! i have not e courage to take up new burden, no heart to learn, no will to take the road of suffering...
But yet i know i must. i know God will want me to. but my heart...it is so weak, so waery...oh Lord, save me, speak to me n grant me the courage to move on. if not, my life wld crumble, my relationships will fail n my faith will be non-existance.
Father, pls also give me wisdom to learn n know where u wld want me to put my energies in. teach me to seek ur kingdom, ur will n to follow ur direction. help me Lord.\par}
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