To many NSF, the count down to ORD is filled with much anticipation and excitement. I won't say I am not excited about ORD, but the sense of leaving my beloved NSMC and my wonderful team of medics is heavy and bitter.
Maybe my dreams and inspirations at the start of my re-enlistment has been miraculously fulfilled.
Maybe I have put in much thought and effort into building up the medical centre, and now see it where I had hope it to be.
Maybe the fruits of our labour have been sweet and delicious.
Maybe the relationships forged amidst tough times and challenges are too hard to be broken.
Maybe I have become too comfortable where I am.
Maybe....
I can only thank God for His many wonderful blessings over the past 1 and a half year of service. All the beautiful relationships and exciting experiences would soon become sweet memories which I will certainly revisit frequently. I can only pray that I have served His purpose where He has placed me, been a blessing to the people I have interacted with and made a positive impact in their lives.
In my last few days as an NSF, I've decided against the conventional. I want to make everyday count, experience to the fullest what NS can offer and contribute what little I can to the cause I believe in.
Medics. Seek, Save Serve!
I am certainly going to miss you all.
ORD lo!!!
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Monday, April 1, 2013
Running the race
At the 14km mark. This is probably the furthest I have ever ran without stopping. I was on the route of of 24km route march along the Gardens by the Bay. My legs were hurting. People were just overtaking me. I told myself I shall not stop at all till I hit 15km. I just crossed it...is it time to stop and walk? If I stop, would I lose the momentum? But 休息乃是跑更远的路...Reaching the water point, fatigue overtook me and I stopped.
15km...16km...I was barely able to continue running. Each step I took became a mental struggle. My muscles were aching, my lower limbs were going numb, I can feel the abrasions on my feet forming despite my prophylactic bandaging, my toe nails were extremely painful. I was consistently being overtaken, out ran by some whom I had overtaken earlier. The finishing point seems so far away, completely the race seemed so impossible. Suddenly, the thought came to me "Just give up"...and on the iPod, the song played:
... 当失望的时候.不要放弃.不要放弃.
大声唱哈利路亚.
欢喜快乐吧.勇敢往前踏.
大声唱哈利路亚.
活出神放在心中的蓝图和盼望....
17km...18km...My right knee begin to develop a sharp pain. We were running pass Marina Bay Sands when I passed by Aaron who was coming in the opposite direction. He gave me a thumbs up and I returned it with a smile. But as I took a step to run, there was a snap and sharp pain over the lateral aspect of my right knee. Shucks, must be my ITB. I could only walk from then on and braved a few short distance of sprints before the pain came back and I had to walk.
I suddenly found myself praying. Dear Lord, I know that I cannot complete this race alone. My body is broken and I can barely move on. But I know that by your strength I can! Help me Lord! Run this race with me. Carry me on...
And I remember our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane. He too prayed for the cup of suffering to be lifted. His heart must be aching way more than my muscles are. Yet, He choose to carry on, knowing the extreme pain and torture that was to come. He ended His prayer with "Not my will but Yours be done".
Indeed, the journey of the cross is no easy one. During the Good Friday sermon, I recalled the pastor sharing that when God calls us to carry our cross, it is more than just a willingness to suffer extreme conditions, but a decision to bear our own struggles/weakness/imperfection/sins to follow Christ. It is a daily struggle, in big things and small, to decide against personal comfort/self interest, to follow Christ in His journey of the cross.
...十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
超乎我所求所想,
洗净我罪, 脱离污秽,
穿上公义洁白衣裳,
十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
我生命从此不再一样,
带我重回天父怀抱,
在永恒里我不停歌唱,十架的爱 ...
19km...20km.... I had not expected the final last km to be so convoluted. The finishing point was so near yet so far. I wanted to just sprint forward, to just finish the race, but my body simply would not let me. My leg muscles were cramping up, going into weird spams. The ITB pain was almost excruciating. I felt broken.
Christ must have suffered so much more as He bore the cross towards Golgotha. His body too was broken, after the numerous lashes and brutal beatings. He must have been bleeding from all the lacerations and abrasions. He wore the crown of thorns, which cut right through his scalp. He was carrying the wooden cross, which was not only physically heavy, but even mentally tortuously heavy, knowing full well that it will be upon that cross that He will be crucified. Yet He took each step closer to Golgotha, despite the agony and pain...He walked, fell, crawled towards Calvary...because He loved us
...On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown...
The last km... I was barely able to run anymore. I kept setting personal mental targets to reach, but failing them quickly. Once again, I doubted if I could even run pass the finishing line. Many who have already completed the race stood by cheering us on. I wanted to run, but my body simply wouldn't. I walked...walked...despair and helplessness raising with each step. Suddenly I felt a pat on my back. One of the SMTI sergeants, whom I had overtaken earlier ran pass me and shouted, "Don't give up". I returned with a quick chuckled, gathered all strength and fought the inertia.
As I made the final turn that brought me to he finishing lap, I raised my head and fixed my eyes on the finishing line. The world around me seem to fade away and the pain in my legs seem to become negligible. I was fixated on the finishing line, I was going to cross it.
Heb 12:1-3 immediately came to mind
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Phi 3: 13-14
"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
The finishing line was like the cross. I could almost feel God's welcoming embrace. By some miracle, my legs gained strength and they carried me through that last lap... I prayed, gave thanks, cried. Scenes of my life quickly flashed across. The many "races" in my life, the many painful and long enduring struggles I had to suffer, the many challenges which left me helpless and at times hopeless...But in every moment of desperation and helplessness, God provided strength and hope for me to move on. Each time I fixed upon Him, like the bronze snake in the desert, I was filled with healing and hope. Such unchanging love and faith, that is the power of the cross! That is the love of God.
After the race, the first thing I did was to msg Fangyu "It is finished". On the cross, as Christ drew His last breath, He said "It is finished". I finished the race for a personal pride that I have now completed 21km. Christ finished His ministry on earth by paying the price of our sins with His own blood. What a drastic comparison!
Easter Sunday, a celebration of Christ's victory over death, a reminder of Christ love for us, a renewal of our hope and faith in the cross, a reaffirmation that because He lives, we can face tomorrow! Indeed, in life's race, the finishing point is invisible to us, seemingly long and far away. We may be running, with all the aches and pain. Our bodies may be paralysed by the torturous pains, disabled by the helplessness of the situation. Worst still, some of us bear heavy burdens which weigh us down. We run, but yet seem to not be moving forward at all. People may overtake us, mock us, tease us. But always remember, we have Christ on whom we can fix our eyes upon. He is faithful and never changing. We have His assurance that He will never leave us or forsake us and will certainly carry us on His eagles wings. He calls us to be strong and courageous, to run the race towards the goal He has prepared for us.
15km...16km...I was barely able to continue running. Each step I took became a mental struggle. My muscles were aching, my lower limbs were going numb, I can feel the abrasions on my feet forming despite my prophylactic bandaging, my toe nails were extremely painful. I was consistently being overtaken, out ran by some whom I had overtaken earlier. The finishing point seems so far away, completely the race seemed so impossible. Suddenly, the thought came to me "Just give up"...and on the iPod, the song played:
... 当失望的时候.不要放弃.不要放弃.
大声唱哈利路亚.
欢喜快乐吧.勇敢往前踏.
大声唱哈利路亚.
活出神放在心中的蓝图和盼望....
17km...18km...My right knee begin to develop a sharp pain. We were running pass Marina Bay Sands when I passed by Aaron who was coming in the opposite direction. He gave me a thumbs up and I returned it with a smile. But as I took a step to run, there was a snap and sharp pain over the lateral aspect of my right knee. Shucks, must be my ITB. I could only walk from then on and braved a few short distance of sprints before the pain came back and I had to walk.
I suddenly found myself praying. Dear Lord, I know that I cannot complete this race alone. My body is broken and I can barely move on. But I know that by your strength I can! Help me Lord! Run this race with me. Carry me on...
And I remember our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane. He too prayed for the cup of suffering to be lifted. His heart must be aching way more than my muscles are. Yet, He choose to carry on, knowing the extreme pain and torture that was to come. He ended His prayer with "Not my will but Yours be done".
Indeed, the journey of the cross is no easy one. During the Good Friday sermon, I recalled the pastor sharing that when God calls us to carry our cross, it is more than just a willingness to suffer extreme conditions, but a decision to bear our own struggles/weakness/imperfection/sins to follow Christ. It is a daily struggle, in big things and small, to decide against personal comfort/self interest, to follow Christ in His journey of the cross.
...十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
超乎我所求所想,
洗净我罪, 脱离污秽,
穿上公义洁白衣裳,
十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
我生命从此不再一样,
带我重回天父怀抱,
在永恒里我不停歌唱,十架的爱 ...
19km...20km.... I had not expected the final last km to be so convoluted. The finishing point was so near yet so far. I wanted to just sprint forward, to just finish the race, but my body simply would not let me. My leg muscles were cramping up, going into weird spams. The ITB pain was almost excruciating. I felt broken.
Christ must have suffered so much more as He bore the cross towards Golgotha. His body too was broken, after the numerous lashes and brutal beatings. He must have been bleeding from all the lacerations and abrasions. He wore the crown of thorns, which cut right through his scalp. He was carrying the wooden cross, which was not only physically heavy, but even mentally tortuously heavy, knowing full well that it will be upon that cross that He will be crucified. Yet He took each step closer to Golgotha, despite the agony and pain...He walked, fell, crawled towards Calvary...because He loved us
...On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain
So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown...
The last km... I was barely able to run anymore. I kept setting personal mental targets to reach, but failing them quickly. Once again, I doubted if I could even run pass the finishing line. Many who have already completed the race stood by cheering us on. I wanted to run, but my body simply wouldn't. I walked...walked...despair and helplessness raising with each step. Suddenly I felt a pat on my back. One of the SMTI sergeants, whom I had overtaken earlier ran pass me and shouted, "Don't give up". I returned with a quick chuckled, gathered all strength and fought the inertia.
As I made the final turn that brought me to he finishing lap, I raised my head and fixed my eyes on the finishing line. The world around me seem to fade away and the pain in my legs seem to become negligible. I was fixated on the finishing line, I was going to cross it.
Heb 12:1-3 immediately came to mind
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."
Phi 3: 13-14
"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
The finishing line was like the cross. I could almost feel God's welcoming embrace. By some miracle, my legs gained strength and they carried me through that last lap... I prayed, gave thanks, cried. Scenes of my life quickly flashed across. The many "races" in my life, the many painful and long enduring struggles I had to suffer, the many challenges which left me helpless and at times hopeless...But in every moment of desperation and helplessness, God provided strength and hope for me to move on. Each time I fixed upon Him, like the bronze snake in the desert, I was filled with healing and hope. Such unchanging love and faith, that is the power of the cross! That is the love of God.
After the race, the first thing I did was to msg Fangyu "It is finished". On the cross, as Christ drew His last breath, He said "It is finished". I finished the race for a personal pride that I have now completed 21km. Christ finished His ministry on earth by paying the price of our sins with His own blood. What a drastic comparison!
Easter Sunday, a celebration of Christ's victory over death, a reminder of Christ love for us, a renewal of our hope and faith in the cross, a reaffirmation that because He lives, we can face tomorrow! Indeed, in life's race, the finishing point is invisible to us, seemingly long and far away. We may be running, with all the aches and pain. Our bodies may be paralysed by the torturous pains, disabled by the helplessness of the situation. Worst still, some of us bear heavy burdens which weigh us down. We run, but yet seem to not be moving forward at all. People may overtake us, mock us, tease us. But always remember, we have Christ on whom we can fix our eyes upon. He is faithful and never changing. We have His assurance that He will never leave us or forsake us and will certainly carry us on His eagles wings. He calls us to be strong and courageous, to run the race towards the goal He has prepared for us.
Because He lives, there is no fear in tomorrow.
Because He lives, there is hope in tomorrow.
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Post movie thoughts
Ah Boys to Man
Totally loving it!!!! Hits the heart strings. Can't help wishing I could turn back time to relive the sweet moments of BMT again with my Taurus Section 2 buddies!!! Ah, wonder how many of them are now...
The movie really triggered much memories of my days in BMT as well as MOCC.
Totally loving it!!!! Hits the heart strings. Can't help wishing I could turn back time to relive the sweet moments of BMT again with my Taurus Section 2 buddies!!! Ah, wonder how many of them are now...
The movie really triggered much memories of my days in BMT as well as MOCC.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Vigilante
I was asked to meet my boss one day, after a heated email conversation. It was about him forcing his hand upon my decisions without consulting me. I had reasons to the decisions I had made. I would have agreed to the reasons he had made his decisions, and I would have agreed to come to a compromise should he have discussed things with me first. However, thru the email, the impression I had was that he felt that I was pushing for my personal agenda, considering my own selfish gains. But I am but a NSF, and my decisions have thus far only added onto my workload. How can there be any selfish gains?!?!? I felt grossly wronged and maligned. However, thru our discussion, boss suddenly made this statement that made me jolt: "By who's judgement are you making your decisions by? Eugene's judgement? What makes your judgement more right than others?"
And suddenly, I felt the Spirit's whisper, he may be right...
Was I too caught up in my ideals and fighting for what I believed was right? Had I been too blinded by self-righteousness that I failed to see other's needs? Have I become myopic, or worse still, the hypocrite I promised I would never be? Was I growing to be self-centered, and away from God?
I am a vigilante.
Not a hero, but a selfish, reckless, self-proclaimed "good guy". I may have started out with the right intentions, or even had the pure heart to make a difference. But now, I could be working to feed my selfish desires and emotions, to simply getting things done my way.
And Rev Zheng reminded us just how imperfect our human love is, and if we simply relied on ourselves to do good, that can never be truly good, for one day, we might be blinded by our good intentions. Watching "Arrow", I reflected upon the way of the character's life and realised just how blinded he is by his own missions/agenda, that he has lost sight of what is really good. Indeed, our human scope is simply limited, and we can never completely consider every point and every person. Like it is said "one man's meat is another man's poison". We can never please everyone, even if we may be working with the best of intentions. Only God can make all things beautiful!!!
"No one can serve 2 masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." Mat 6:24
Dear Lord, forgive me for being so blinded by my own arrogance and self-righteousness. Father, I need You. Help me to serve and worship You in the role You have called me to, that I will do what is right in Your eyes, and make decisions with Kingdom value. Father, help me build Your kingdom...not mine. Amen
And suddenly, I felt the Spirit's whisper, he may be right...
Was I too caught up in my ideals and fighting for what I believed was right? Had I been too blinded by self-righteousness that I failed to see other's needs? Have I become myopic, or worse still, the hypocrite I promised I would never be? Was I growing to be self-centered, and away from God?
I am a vigilante.
Not a hero, but a selfish, reckless, self-proclaimed "good guy". I may have started out with the right intentions, or even had the pure heart to make a difference. But now, I could be working to feed my selfish desires and emotions, to simply getting things done my way.
And Rev Zheng reminded us just how imperfect our human love is, and if we simply relied on ourselves to do good, that can never be truly good, for one day, we might be blinded by our good intentions. Watching "Arrow", I reflected upon the way of the character's life and realised just how blinded he is by his own missions/agenda, that he has lost sight of what is really good. Indeed, our human scope is simply limited, and we can never completely consider every point and every person. Like it is said "one man's meat is another man's poison". We can never please everyone, even if we may be working with the best of intentions. Only God can make all things beautiful!!!
"No one can serve 2 masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." Mat 6:24
Dear Lord, forgive me for being so blinded by my own arrogance and self-righteousness. Father, I need You. Help me to serve and worship You in the role You have called me to, that I will do what is right in Your eyes, and make decisions with Kingdom value. Father, help me build Your kingdom...not mine. Amen
Saturday, January 12, 2013
我们亲爱的奶奶
In loving memory of
Mdm Tan Geok Tian
Mdm Tan Geok Tian
Returned to be with the Lord on 9 January 2013.
Dearly missed and fondly remembered by loved ones.
I have stayed with 奶奶a large part of my life. She is a wonderful cook, great singer, skilled tailor, artistic barber, elegant lady, devoted wife, self sacrificing mother, grandmotherly grandmother and God fearing Christian.
奶奶 always tells us how she used to prepare banquets (>10 tables) for her family, cooked all sorts of festive goodies (eg 新年-- 年糕/糕点，端午节-- 粽子，中秋节--月饼, 冬至-- 汤圆) and created delicacies from the most simple ingredients. And my taste buds can certainly testify to her wonderful cooking. Remembered when we were young, we would be so excited when 奶奶 is about to whip some delicacies and be able to participate in the process. She would teach us patiently to beat the eggs to make kaya, kneed the flour to make cakes (my favourite 发糕 and 鸡蛋糕), fry the garlic before the delicious fried bee hoon, roll the 汤圆 (pink and white ones). Though I was sure we were more trouble then help, 奶奶always welcomed our presence with a smile and equal excitement. There was never a dull meal when 奶奶 was in the kitchen. How I wished I could learn even 1% of her culinary skills...
Not only was 奶奶skilled in cooking, she was also a skilled tailor. Most, if not all, of our childhood pyjamas were all handmade by 奶奶. Every Christmas, we would look forward to her gifts of new clothes, which we would wear in the coming new year. In addition, 奶奶 made the most beautiful quilts, from all the left over cloth she used to make our pyjamas. Covering oneself in her beautifully woven quilts, one snuggles into sweet dreams under the warmth of 奶奶's love.
At the same time, 奶奶was also our personal barber. I remember getting into the double/triple stacked chairs, sitting in the front porch, waiting in anticipation. 奶奶would pull this familiar pink cloth around our neck (to cover our body neck-wards, revealing only our head), put on fragrant powder on our neck and snip away. Haircut was always a delightful experience, though during the haircut I would feel the little gitters, following 奶奶's commands to turn my head or close my eyes, I was always confident that the end product would be a handsome me, for my hair was safe in the hands of my wonderful 奶奶.
And that was how 奶奶showed her tireless love for us, through her gifts and acts of service.
奶奶 was an avid singer. She LOVED oldies, always humming tunes like 夜上海，小小东方 and many others which I cannot remember. Remember we would often look out for her favourite oldies eg 蔡琴，费玉亲 and play them on CD or catch them on TV. 奶奶's passion for songs led her to even handcopy lyrics of her favourite songs in notebooks which she kept preciously, showing them to us occasionally with pride :) But her all time favourite, and closest to her heart was "耶稣爱我" which she would sing almost everyday and we would use to effectively divert her attention :) This simply reveals her love for God and her confidence in the Lord's love for her.
大姑 always told me how 奶奶came from a very rich family, but chose to marry 爷爷who was from a poor family. Despite her wealth and high social status, 奶奶 did not take her inheritance for granted. Despite marrying into a poorer family, she did not flaunt her wealth, but choice to live simply and labourously. Though she had a personal servant, she still did her own chores and even chores of my 爷爷's family. 大姑often shared just how much she sacrificed for her family, often silently being bullied by others. Yet, she never complained, but found creative + cost-effective ways around problems and still treated everyone with love and respect, even those who bullied her. In fact, she took much effort to acquire her skills so that she could home-make stuff to save money. She would make daddy's uniforms, new year clothings, cut her children's hair and cook healthy homemade dishes, all to save cost for the family. Such sacrifice!
In addition, 奶奶 was one who cared for the poor and neglected. 奶奶often shared how she would bring food from her father's massive warehouse and offer to poorer classmates. I have seen her preparing drinks for the road sweepers and rubbish collectors who pass by our place and made it a point every morning to greet them. Such compassion and acceptance, especially to the neglected of the society, is one of the traits that many respect and love 奶奶 for.
Though 奶奶 was a full-time dedicated housewife and a pauper's wife, she never lost her fashion sense or her elegance. She always displayed a highly elegant public persona, being 爷爷's pride in major functions. Many often commented just how well dressed and graceful she was. 奶奶 has taught me that fashion is not limited to the wealthy. Elegance is more than just the outward look. It is about the state of the mind and soul, which is reflected in our outward form. This is truly reflection of the verse "every good tree bears good fruit" (Mat 7: 17)
奶奶's life has been a rocky one. Yet, by her faith in Christ and God's grace, her life reflected the over-pouring blessings and grace that comes from God. 奶奶 has left behind a legacy of love for us to model and learn. A love for the unlovable, the neglected, her husband, her family. Though she has left us, we know that she is in a better place, in the arms of our Lord, holding hands with 爷爷 whom she dearly loves. 奶奶，我们永远思念您！
****************
耶稣爱我万不错
因有圣书告诉我
凡小孩子主牧养
我虽软弱主强壮
耶稣爱我舍生命
将我罪恶洗干净
天堂荣门替我开
把祂小羊引进来
耶稣爱我永不忘
永不离开祂小羊
白日遭难主搭救
黑夜睡觉主看守
主耶稣爱我
主耶稣爱我
主耶稣爱我
有圣书告诉我
****************
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Old year vs New year
What is so magical about the stroke of 12 on 1 January every year? Is it not simply the passing of a second?
What is so special about a "New year"? Is it not simply an arbitrary set up by Man?
New year vs Old year. To me, it is a significant milestone, a time of remembrance and thanksgiving, a time of renewal and rededication. Moving on into a new year reminds us that time stops for no one. It moves on whether we like it or not, regardless of the situation. Yet, it also brings hope, that time can heal broken wounds and correct wrongs. A wise teacher once shared "Life is to be lived forward, but understood backwards". As time slips us by, like sand through our fingers, we learn to treasure that we cannot hold and count our every blessings.
Looking back at 2012, my heart is filled with thanksgiving and nostalgia. This has been a very special year, as I complete the chapter of my life which was left uncompleted 8 years ago. Serving the army at 26 years old, as a MOIC of NSMC has been a great and wonderful blessing. God had given me the opportunity to interact with so many wonderful people, opened the doors to many lives that I could influence and touch, brought me through a journey of self-discovery that could otherwise never happen. When else would I be in No2 attending a military dinner, hop on and off a flying helicopter, manage a medical centre, putting into practice all that I have believed a good doctor/healthcare institute should be, work with a bunch of lively/enthusiastic medics, fight against the injustices of a poor system, be motivated and disciplined to train physically every other day, stay away from home "legally"...There are little restrictions (not worried about earning money or how my performance would affect my future) and much space for me to explore and utilise. This IS the time of my life, a time of certain freedom to do what I desire, one that would be hard to come by in the life ahead.
Yet, God has taught me many important lessons through the mistakes I have made. He has revealed the childish side of me, where decisions are made on impulse, emotion or selfish desires. Maturity is not a measure of age, but our ability to make well informed decisions even against our gut feeling, ready to bear its consequences. In Sam's words "Be a man, do the right thing". He has also revealed the angsty side of me, one which is fearless, rebellious, zealous and anti-establishment.Often masquerade a righteous activist fighting for the injustice of the society, God has challenged me to look beyond the façade and into my soul, to see the little monster in me. Need to learn to question my motives and actions, by the wisdom and grace of the Spirit. God has also challenged me to relook at how I prioritise matters in my life, to treasure that which has eternal value.
Looking at the year ahead, as I end the NS chapter of my life, a new exciting chapter begins --- marriage.
So much anticipation, yet so much uncertainty. My life will change drastically, no longer "me" but "us", no longer "I" but "we". Living together is certainly not the same as being together. Priorities will change, life principles will change. What lies ahead, I can only pray that God leads and guide us to love each other upon His love. And it's returning to reality, back into the real working world. I shudder at going back to the wards, so rusty and deconditioned. Having to humbly start afresh, learn everything from scratch will be tough but exciting experience. Many new beginnings!
5 more months to ORD. I am surprisingly not as excited about leaving as others are. Well, 5 more months of doing what I can, to hand over and start letting go. May the beautiful memories and friendships live beyond ORD.
What is so special about a "New year"? Is it not simply an arbitrary set up by Man?
New year vs Old year. To me, it is a significant milestone, a time of remembrance and thanksgiving, a time of renewal and rededication. Moving on into a new year reminds us that time stops for no one. It moves on whether we like it or not, regardless of the situation. Yet, it also brings hope, that time can heal broken wounds and correct wrongs. A wise teacher once shared "Life is to be lived forward, but understood backwards". As time slips us by, like sand through our fingers, we learn to treasure that we cannot hold and count our every blessings.
Looking back at 2012, my heart is filled with thanksgiving and nostalgia. This has been a very special year, as I complete the chapter of my life which was left uncompleted 8 years ago. Serving the army at 26 years old, as a MOIC of NSMC has been a great and wonderful blessing. God had given me the opportunity to interact with so many wonderful people, opened the doors to many lives that I could influence and touch, brought me through a journey of self-discovery that could otherwise never happen. When else would I be in No2 attending a military dinner, hop on and off a flying helicopter, manage a medical centre, putting into practice all that I have believed a good doctor/healthcare institute should be, work with a bunch of lively/enthusiastic medics, fight against the injustices of a poor system, be motivated and disciplined to train physically every other day, stay away from home "legally"...There are little restrictions (not worried about earning money or how my performance would affect my future) and much space for me to explore and utilise. This IS the time of my life, a time of certain freedom to do what I desire, one that would be hard to come by in the life ahead.
Yet, God has taught me many important lessons through the mistakes I have made. He has revealed the childish side of me, where decisions are made on impulse, emotion or selfish desires. Maturity is not a measure of age, but our ability to make well informed decisions even against our gut feeling, ready to bear its consequences. In Sam's words "Be a man, do the right thing". He has also revealed the angsty side of me, one which is fearless, rebellious, zealous and anti-establishment.Often masquerade a righteous activist fighting for the injustice of the society, God has challenged me to look beyond the façade and into my soul, to see the little monster in me. Need to learn to question my motives and actions, by the wisdom and grace of the Spirit. God has also challenged me to relook at how I prioritise matters in my life, to treasure that which has eternal value.
Looking at the year ahead, as I end the NS chapter of my life, a new exciting chapter begins --- marriage.
So much anticipation, yet so much uncertainty. My life will change drastically, no longer "me" but "us", no longer "I" but "we". Living together is certainly not the same as being together. Priorities will change, life principles will change. What lies ahead, I can only pray that God leads and guide us to love each other upon His love. And it's returning to reality, back into the real working world. I shudder at going back to the wards, so rusty and deconditioned. Having to humbly start afresh, learn everything from scratch will be tough but exciting experience. Many new beginnings!
5 more months to ORD. I am surprisingly not as excited about leaving as others are. Well, 5 more months of doing what I can, to hand over and start letting go. May the beautiful memories and friendships live beyond ORD.
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Change
Change is the only constant
Someone once remarked, that at the medical center, the coming of every new MO is like a change in dynasty. New policies, new working style, new relationships. I cannot help but agree. Between me and Shaohui, there are already a lot of differences. Not that Shaohui is not good, in fact, he has been a big inspiration to me in terms of managing the medical center eg caring for the medics (going off at 430pm, cohesion, talking to medics etc), medical management (being objective to separate admin from real medical probs). It's just that we are different. I'm sure Mdm Annie can testify to our difference and she certainly has to learn how to work with different MO (since she has been here for so many MOs)
But now, I feel like I am in the middle of a change, a change in the medics whom I have worked with. I have already witnessed the leaving (ORDing) of so many of my medics.Many good and wonderful one, .many whom I've already lost contact. But this time, the sense of loss is much greater, and I must say, more painful. Beidi, Wayne, Qujuan, Dom and David will all be ORDing in a few days time, and these are some of the closest I've worked with. Already I am missing them, and with Wayne's last msg, the sense of loss is intensified. The reality is hitting, they are really leaving...and I will certainly miss them.
I fear. I fear the break in relationship/friendship. I fear I would never see them again in such a setting. I fear the change and uncertainty that awaits.
Change is in the air. A new group of medics will have to step up and as with new leadership, there will bound to be change. Yet, part of me still wants to live in the old dynasty, resistant to change. I wish things will still remain the same, function the same, relationship still maintained. But the logical side tells me that that is not wise, I need to embrace change. I am not immortal, not a vampire living unchanging. I cannot expect the new leaders to function the same as their predecessors. I cannot allow myself to live in history and worst still, to plasticize the new leadership, suppressing their creativity and passion. I need to let go of the past and allow the future the reveal itself. I need to give the new leaders space to grow and take charge. The challenge is how to guide them yet not be seen to be oppressing them. O Lord, pls grant me wisdom to do so, to speak truth with love.
I too will be ORDing soon. As much as many say they dread army life, I thank God for the many beautiful memories that this army experience has given me. Father, help me to enjoy every moment of it, to treasure each struggle and challenge, to live each experience to its fullest. Father, help me to make to maximum impact I can, to influence and encourage, to guide and nurture, to be the salt and light here in NSMC. O Lord, I pray not that my legacy live on, but Your glory and love to pass on through the ages of many other MOICs to come. May NSMC always be a place of encouragement and development, a beacon of light to reflect Your glory! Father, pray that you continue to bless the medical center and all of us working here.
As for the many medics that I've had the privilege to work with and see them ORD, Father, I pray that the friendship we have built and the shared memories/experiences we had will be a lasting one. May they be beautiful memories, which will bring us a smile when we recall. Father, I pray that I have been a good officer to them, to encourage and guide them in the way of the Lord. May Your spirit continue to work in their lives, to guide them and shape their hearts, to transform them and help them know You.
Dear guys, I'm going to miss you all very very much. Stay in touch ya. Don't just walk past me when we meet (though there is a high chance I may not recognize you since after army, you would all change hairstyle and stuff) :P I hope that the memories you had here at NSMC were beautiful and your experience here meaningful. Take care and may the Lord bless and guide you!
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