Vigilante

I was asked to meet my boss one day, after a heated email conversation. It was about him forcing his hand upon my decisions without consulting me. I had reasons to the decisions I had made. I would have agreed to the reasons he had made his decisions, and I would have agreed to come to a compromise should he have discussed things with me first. However, thru the email, the impression I had was that he felt that I was pushing for my personal agenda, considering my own selfish gains. But I am but a NSF, and my decisions have thus far only added onto my workload. How can there be any selfish gains?!?!? I felt grossly wronged and maligned. However, thru our discussion, boss suddenly made this statement that made me jolt: "By who's judgement are you making your decisions by? Eugene's judgement? What makes your judgement more right than others?"

And suddenly, I felt the Spirit's whisper, he may be right...

Was I too caught up in my ideals and fighting for what I believed was right? Had I been too blinded by self-righteousness that I failed to see other's needs? Have I become myopic, or worse still, the hypocrite I promised I would never be? Was I growing to be self-centered, and away from God?

I am a vigilante.

Not a hero, but a selfish, reckless, self-proclaimed "good guy". I may have started out with the right intentions, or even had the pure heart to make a difference. But now, I could be working to feed my selfish desires and emotions, to simply getting things done my way.

And Rev Zheng reminded us just how imperfect our human love is, and if we simply relied on ourselves to do good, that can never be truly good, for one day, we might be blinded by our good intentions. Watching "Arrow", I reflected upon the way of the character's life and realised just how blinded he is by his own missions/agenda, that he has lost sight of what is really good. Indeed, our human scope is simply limited, and we can never completely consider every point and every person. Like it is said "one man's meat is another man's poison". We can never please everyone, even if we may be working with the best of intentions. Only God can make all things beautiful!!!

"No one can serve 2 masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other." Mat 6:24

Dear Lord, forgive me for being so blinded by my own arrogance and self-righteousness. Father, I need You. Help me to serve and worship You in the role You have called me to, that I will do what is right in Your eyes, and make decisions with Kingdom value. Father, help me build Your kingdom...not mine. Amen