Disappointed

It was Friday. I had all the intention to let everyone go off at 1630h. We went out running early, came back early. I went to settle some time-urgent stuff, told my sergeant to get everyone to fall in at 1630h. But to my greatest horror, I walked out of my room to find only half the strength left!!!

WTH!!!

Didn't I already tell everyone the day before to give me that "little" respect to fall in together? Have I not been trying my best to let everyone go off as early as possible? Have I not been fighting wars for their welfare? Have I not been trying my to be a fair and reasonable leader? For everything that I have done, this is what I get?

Worst still when I confirmed that everyone just left...like that! It was almost as if it were their right to leave early. No one had the courtesy to inform me that they were leaving, or had to leave early. I was dumbfounded and dead disappointed. What broke my heart more was the fact that many who left were people whom I trusted. How could they do this? Don't they know my intentions? Was this a blatant disregard for my commands?

Have I been too lenient? Have I been too soft and forgiving that people take me for granted? Have I been too friendly that people disregard me as their superior? Just that same morning, more than 10 people came late, many did not even apologise or have the least sense of remorse. I sat by the door and they just walked pass me, some not even saying hi, as if I was invisible.

It has been a progressive display of disrespect, selfishness and irresponsibility. And this is the last straw!

How long shall I pretend I did not know? How long will I tolerate such nonsense? How much more of such unacceptable behaviour can I accept? People are already complaining that I am overly protective over my guys. But I don't care what others say! I am their leader. If I don't defend them, who will? But if my defence results in such rebound phenomenon, I am doing my guys more harm then good.

I prayed...and prayed. What makes a good Christian leader? What would Jesus do? Would He not flip the tables at the temple and make straight the crooked road? Would He not speak truth with love, rebuke for the good of others? Oh Lord, please give me wisdom and strength! You have placed me to be the captain of many, please help me to lead them in the way pleasing to You. Teach me to love them and discipline them when necessary. Help me be consistent and fair.

I can no longer do nothing.