Rainbow!!!!

It has been a progressively down week.

Things started on Mon real bright and cheery. My life finally got into a discipline. 1h of quiet time, 1h of run and the rest studying (or trying, cos I'll be fighting 周公most of the time). Proud to be able to maintain this for 3 days.

But as the week progressed, I realised how much I didn't know, how lacking I was in my surgical knowledge. My clerking was lousy, missing out important points, not able to formulate differentials/risk factors/complications. Clinical examination skills were poor. It's as if my brain's jammed up, unable to focus or evaluate things. In addition, things I read simply slipped out of my mind. ARG!!! And MBBS is in a few weeks time. My medicine stuff is diffusing out, my ortho is extremely rusty and peads is non-exsistant.

I had a nightmare in the middle of the week. Dreamt that I passed MBBS, but on the first day of HO, my mind blanked out and I in a total lost, unable to manage my patients. Oh man!!! I woke up praying (and almost crying). May that day never come. May the Lord strengthen me and help me!

Then there is this whole residency thingy (and I tot is was all over after the submission). The authorities made a last min change (what's new?!?!?) and now we're "requested" to make a decision which SI we want. So I've been receiving so many calls and emails from the various SI inviting me to their open houses. My trust in the system has dwindled and I know that any information provided at this stage is "to be confirmed" and so am really reluctant to spend my time at the open houses. Furthermore, I have decided that I would like to experience working in ALL the hospitals at least once before making such an important decision.

But nonetheless, this episode has set me thinking of my future. Though I have already made to decision not to speciallise so soon, but all these has made me wonder if this is a right thing to do. Would my learning be comprimised? Would my chances of specialising be at stake? Is making a decision now so essential?

As Joel was driving me and Sam today, I was sharing these troubles and struggles with my beloved brothers. Just when I finished pouring out the pain, I looked to the sky and saw the most beautiful rainbow I've ever seen...and I felt like a prayer answered!! This is my prayer since M1 (inspired by Prof Tambyah):

"If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father's house, then the LORD will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God's house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth." (Genisis 28:20-22)

Thank God for His faithfulness!!! The rainbow that signifies His promise and covenant. I knew at that moment that God WILL see me though this journey in medicine and would cloth and feed me as He promised. I had nothing to fear!!! It's all truly in His hands.