"...不叫我们遇见试探，拯救我们脱离凶恶..."

I'm truly amazed by God's grace!!!

For the past few days (and many days before), I have been struggling with the temptation of you-tube (boys and girls out there, watch it!!!). Everytime I turn on the computer, I would end up going to www.youtube.com and watch random videos. As a reuslt, I sleep late (and thus unable to concentrate in school the next day), can't finish what I had intended to do, waste alot of time that could have been used to do constructive things (like sleep or revise my work).

I've tried so hard to make "mental notes" to not type youtube, but some how, I always end up there. Reason? Oh, cos I want to listen to music while doing work (multi-tasking). Oh, just want to have some entertainment to satisfy my heart's desire...Indeed, the flesh is often so so weak. I was almost desperate last night when I watched youtube till 2am!!! I prayed that God wld give me the strength to overcome the temptation...And He did.

I'm now going on a youtube fast (other than when I have to prepare for service).

Lessons learnt:
1. God is good, and He's ever there to help us. Don't wait till it's too late.
2. Focus. Don't try to multi-task. Know what you have to do and do what you have to.
3. I'm a weakling...so don't try to make things right by my own strength. It ain't going to work.

Doctors I want to become...

Going thru my surgical SIP at Tan Tock Seng Hospital, I've been blessed to meet deeply inspiring doctors I pray I would one day become. I thank God for such great tutors who have shown what being a Christian doc means.

1. Mr Ter­ence Huey:
I'm not only amazed by his wealth of knowledge, but even more captivated by his heart for patients. Although a surgeon, Mr Huey's medical knowledge is remarkable, able to manage his patients holistically. Not only so, his compassion and humility towards everyone is a model and inspiration. He speaks truth with love, towards patients (never fail to comfort patients and alay their fears) and colleagues (when you make a mistake, expect a gentle but stern lecture from Mr Huey.)

2. Mr Lo Hong Yee:
Candid and jovial, there will never be a dull moment around Mr Lo. Every ward round with him is like going on an excursion, packed full of excitement. Working with him (and I say "with" not "under") has been a great inspiration. Everyone is part of the team, even puny SIPs like us.

3. Mr Chong Yew Lam:
Ever heard of a doc celebrating his patient's birthday, encouraging a depressed patient to live on and be an encouragement to others? Well, Mr Chong has done that and more!

...and the list goes on...

I know that I'm far from these great giants, in knowledge and amplitude. But Father, I pray that You would continue to mould and shape me to the person you want me to be! Though the road ahead will be tough, but God will be my strength.

After so long

It's a wonderful night...
...
...
I know you are the one...

Let us love God before each other :)

Being focused!! Staying focused!!!

The past 2 days, I've been coming home tired and congested. Tired due to the long days, with surgical ward round starting at 630am. Congested with all the new emotions and influx of thoughts stirring in my head.

I just started my surgical SIP in TTSH. Though I the week started with great anticipation, it was also with great fear that I stepped into the wards. Fear of not being able to live up to expectations (of man and God), fear of being a burden to others, fear of not being able to learn (yes, my pride and ego), fear of not being a good doc (esp after all that prep talk)...Then there's the whole getting-to-know-people stress...But God has been really gracious blessing me with great partners (Jacob and Gabriel) and a wonderful team!

Then, there's 2 nights of residency talk by NHG cluster which left us confused and even more uncertain of the future. It also revealed the painful competitiveness in the whole system which lies ahead eg. only 3 places for Emed in TTSH. Coupled with all the "which resisdency to do?" talk, about deciding our future, about thinking what I really want to do? Which route would suit me (and which I can do/get in), yea, there's really alot up there in my mind.

On my way home from TTSH, I could feel that heavy heart and trouble soul. With all the change happening around, all the chaos and flux churning within the limited cranial space, I feltso lost, frustrated and helpless. The future seemed bleak. The immediate future: Learning to survive each day in the wards and pick up important skills which will benefit my patients in the future. Realised (once again) that I'm so lousy and lost. The near future: To pass MBBS... And the future: Which route to take? What basis to work on helping me make the decision? Learning? Working? Working environment?

I'm now reading this book "Tender Warrior" by Stu Weber (Sam lent me). It has challenged me to be the Man after God's heart, the Man God has designed to be. In one of the chapters, Stu shared about being focused. A Man should be focused on the tasked assgin and the mission ahead Ah!!! Eureka!!! In all the sludge of thoughts, a bright light broke thru! In the midist of all the change, how much more important it is to stay focused on the mission God has set for me and more importantly, to stay focused on Him. Why be so caught up with the whole resisdency thingy? Does it really matter what route I choose? No, it doesn't!!! As long as I look to the Lord and focus on Him, even though I don't get into any resisdency, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I may lose a few years, but God has His greater plan thru all these.

Father, teach me to focus on you and not on Man. Whatever the storm, guide me thru that I may walk on water and fly under Your eagles' wings.