I luv SG

Happy birthday Singapore! 

Its the time of the year when I feel my insides swell with patriotism. Year after year, as I watch the NDP, I never fail to dream of being part of the marching contingent, of playing a part in the nation's birthday celebration. Even when I was serving my NS, I wanted to volunteer to cover NDP, but oh well...

As I finish my NS, that bubble burst, revealling reality. But that dream still remains strong, just finding a different form. I begin to explore the possiblity of joining politics :) but that too is a bubble which quickly bursts as the responsibilities are far beyond what I can bear, the qualities required I lack greatly, n I certainly have no calling/burden from the Higher HQ.

So how can I love my country? How can I put my internal patriotism into reality? How I step out of my dream n make it come true? How can I be a blessing to my community?

As I walked thru the market after my 10km run, I saw the elderly folk, the disabled selling tissue, singing at the corner of the street n God gave me a part of the answer...start by loving and accepting the marginalised of the society. Yes, accepting n loving, not just tolerating...just yesterday fangyu n I were discussing this about our church. But how? 

- small scale: serving in karunaya clinic, volunteering my medical services. Have I even been faithful in these areas of service God calls me? Though these may seem small scale, he who is faithful in small matters will be faithful in big matters.

- larger scale: medical policies. But I'm greatly lacking in knowledge of even existing policies n lack a macro view of things. Don't think I'll make a food policy maker...but at least start to know?

Part 2: 先有家才有国. Yes, I need to learn to love my family, know how to teach my children. On a larger context, my Spiritual family: as a 执事, how can serve my church in making the right decisions, carrying for the community, n being a good steward of God's resources? There is much I still have to learn.

And above all, learning to pray for my country. Honestly, I have taken our good government, sercurity n prosperity for granted. Must always remember that all that we have is a gift from God n not a result of man's efforts. Must not forget our painful history n the sacrifices our forefathers made thru the nation building years.

Indeed, Father, thank you for blessing our nation with 48 years of stability, growth n prosperity. I pray that you would continue to bless our government with wisdom n compassion to lead our nation. I pray for my fellow Singaporeans, tat we wld treasure what we have now, not forgetting our past n be united to face the challenges ahead.

My dearest Singapore and beloved country, happy birthday! May u continue to shine n be a blessing to others :)

Never Forget

Just ran another 10km. Took 1h04min. Can certainly be better, but this is already the best I have ran. Still felt like I could ran somemore...it was a great feeling, a swelling of satisfaction n pride within me. I can do it...no, I did it! I'm on the way to fitness n good looks. I was leaving the old weak fat chubby me...I am much better...

And suddenly, I walked past the garden where I used to struggle even completing a round, past the slope I named "slope of faith". I remembered back in sec school when I was so weak n dreaded sports cos I felt I would never excel in it. I recalled running rounds in the garden, with 爷爷, struggling each time n feeling so accomplised even after completing a 400m run. I remember the pain n dread each time I ran up the 200m slope. I would be praying every step of it, singing "mountain of God" n drawing strength from Him.

...even though the journey is long, and I know the road is tough. Well the one who had gone before me, He will help me carry on...

It suddenly dawned upon me. I have forgotten all these struggles n pain. I have forgotten all the encouragements God gave given me. I have forgotten the passion/skill/perseverence/courage to face the impossible...worst of all, I have forgotten the One who has brought me thru all these struggles, to the confident self I am today.

It's scary just how easy our hearts are prone to wonder. It is terrifying how we forget the God who had blessed us, when we are so blessed. No wonder the writer of proverbs wrote 

“Two things I ask of you, Lord ; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord ?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God.

Proverbs 30:7-9 NIV

Father, may this be my prayer too. Help me to never forget. Amen

Career path ahead

Was reading the latest issue of SMA on this remarkably courageous surgical reg turn PGY1 cos she wanted to pursue her passion. As she describes just how tough and humbling it is to be considered an MO or extremely junior doctor when she is actually so much more competent, and her courage to persevere on this goal and path despite all the challenges, I am brought back to the point of considering whether to sign on to residency.

I have heard so much about the residency programme. Deep inside, I still frown upon it as it is an unfair and unjust system, causing so much segregation and resentment within the medical community. It protects those within it and ostracizes those that are not. Non residents have to bear more unearthly working hours, have less opportunity to receive training, get less benefits (cos we have an employer who simply doesn't care for our welfare). It creates a facade that those not in the residency are sub-standard doctors, non specialist... I too have been a victim of this system, simply because I want to be a better doctor by spending some time to explore my interest and strengths, choosing a specialty where I can be the greatest blessing to others. Many of my peers too have been penalised for not joining the residency programme for reasons that I feel are more courageous and righteous.

Yet, I do not deny that the residency programme has it's pros. Having a structured programme integrating work and training with the relevant specialty posstings is a beautiful combination for many trainees. It would certainly enhance my knowledge, skill and experience. However, having spoken to friends in the programme, they have shared the many challenges eg constant change of postings, being seen as second class citizen in the non related specialties etc.

Residency or not? I guess the bigger question to ask is what God wants to do with my life? What do I envision His calling for me will be and where does my burden and passion lie. Having gone through 3 years of clinical practice, I have found my passion to be in chronic and community care...and also in teaching. As such, it seems like family medicine is the best way forward

Why do we serve?

Training to be soldiers, fight for our land.
Once in our life, 2 years of time.
Have you ever wondered, why must we serve?

Many NSF will recall this song fondly, though not all pleasantly :) Some will even be asking themselves this question throughout their NSF life. Why must we serve? Why must we waste 2 years of our lives in an organisation that we don't know (some don't even fully support or agree to), doing things which we didn't want, or worse still, wasting our talents away (I have seen so many with great potential, but simply placed in the wrong voccation and thus wasted away). We are all forced into conscription, mostly against our will and plans.

I found myself answering this qns, for myself and my medics through my term as MOIC.

Col 3:23 - 24
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."

We certainly don't serve the organisation. Being in this organisation for a while, I have come to realise just how much injustice and unfairness there is in the system. The hardworking are rewarded with more work/responsibilities (and with it all the consequences), while the lazy are rewarded with more free time. Furthermore, the regulars (ie those hired by the organisation) seem to comfortably settle in their roles to utilize and optimize their free labour (ie the conscripted NSFs)...and the system allows/promotes such behaviour!

So why do we serve?
Cos we love our land...

Indeed, it is for love that we serve, love for our nation, love for our family, love for our friends. I find myself going to camp everyday, doing more than what I am expected because of the people that God has placed before me. I want to be a testimony for Him before my medics, I want to be a blessing to them even where it may be difficult. I want them to have a memorable NS life, to learn and gain something out of these 2 years and not just waste their precious time away. My medical centre became my mission field, a harvest field where God has placed me.

Looking back, I am just so amazed and thankful how God has led me through my tour as MOIC. He has blessed me with a wonderful team of medics, He has given me so many opportunities to reach out to them and bless them, to stand between the gap of the living (my guys, the patients that I served) and the dead (the rotten organisation). Through this experience, I have also gained and learnt much...and pretty blessed as well.

Father, thank you for a very fulfilling and memorable NS life. Thank you for Your every blessing and guidance. I pray that I have been a good testimony for you, and inspired/encouraged/developed my medics in the way you have desired. I pray that you would continue to look after all my medics and help them grow to know you more. May they find joy and fulfillment in their lives, to be a blessing to others. Above all, may they came to accept you as their personal saviour, to receive all the blessings you have prepared for them. Amen!

Be a light that shines in the darkness

Just woke up from a rare birthday afternoon nap after a very vivid and real dream. Can't remember the details of the dream, but I last recalled praying in my dream. The message from the dream was loud and clear : Be a light that shines in the darkness.

...and I woke up with a smile, and prayed.

Call it a vision from God or 日有所思，夜有所梦. How rare it is for me to have afternoon naps, and how special it is that today is my birthday. I am certain this a is definitely a special birthday message from God, a reminder, a calling, an encouragement, a direction..."Be a light for me, to shine in the darkness".

Indeed, since I returned to work, this thought of being a visible and living testimony of Christ has been going through my mind. Maybe it is cos I'm very self conscious, maybe it is cos of my shocking bright neon pink crocs, maybe it is cos of some self-assurance...but whatever it is, I have been brought through many situations that made  me pause and think about how I am testifying God's love before others.

Matthew 5: 14-16
¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.


 Christ Himself was the True Light (John 1) and He came into our world of darkness to brighten up our world. He came that we may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10). and likewise, He calls us to be children of light (John 12, Eph 5:8, Phi 2:15, 1The 5:5, 1Peter 2:9). We are to be a testimony of His love, to reflect His light in the darkness, to point the direction to Him and bring warmth to this cold dark world.



2 Corinthians 4: 1 - 6
Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. ² Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. ³ And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. ⁴ The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. ⁵ For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.

As this special message sinks in and makes its way through my heart and mind, I can feel that sense of warmth of assurance. God has blessed me with many friends, a strength in communication, a passion to share and many opportunities to reach out to others. I find joy in being amongst people, in interacting and sharing experiences. Some times I feel a sense of being self-confident in this aspect, but this message comes as an assurance, that these are God given gifts...

But to whom more is given, more shall be asked. And certainly, God is calling me to serve and worship Him with these gifts. I am reminded to be humble and remember that these gifts are from Him, and to always seek His Will to how I can worship and serve Him with them. Fear sets in as I tremble at the responsibilities that lie ahead, and the possible expectations God has of me. But I am reminded that our Lord will give us strength to do the work He has called us to do and will personally to see to its completion .

Father Lord, thank you for blessing me all these 27 years of my life. Thank you for giving me life, and filling my life with Your light. Thank you for choosing me and revealling Yourself to me, that I may believe in You and walk in Your light. Thank you for my family, friends and my beloved wife whom you have graciously blessed to guide and inspire me through these 27 years. I pray that you would continue to bless them with health and joy in their lives, and also strengthen our relationships.

Thank you for this very special birthday message, which comes at a crossroad of my life. Thank you for this direction You have given. Father, I fear that I will not be capable or effective to fulfill Your Will and above all, that my heart will wonder away from this calling...or worst still, to use these talents for my own selfish gains. Father, pls keep my heart and let it not wonder away from You. May the Spirit reign over me and keep me close to You. Open my eyes to be sensitive to every opportunity to shine for you and grant me the courage and wisdom to shine BOLDLY for you in every chance I have. Father, I commit myself and my family into Your hands. Amen.

ORD-ing

To many NSF, the count down to ORD is filled with much anticipation and excitement. I won't say I am not excited about ORD, but the sense of leaving my beloved NSMC and my wonderful team of medics is heavy and bitter.

Maybe my dreams and inspirations at the start of my re-enlistment has been miraculously fulfilled.
Maybe I have put in much thought and effort into building up the medical centre, and now see it where I had hope it to be.
Maybe the fruits of our labour have been sweet and delicious.
Maybe the relationships forged amidst tough times and challenges are too hard to be broken.
Maybe I have become too comfortable where I am.
Maybe....

I can only thank God for His many wonderful blessings over the past 1 and a half year of service. All the beautiful relationships and exciting experiences would soon become sweet memories which I will certainly revisit frequently. I can only pray that I have served His purpose where He has placed me, been a blessing to the people I have interacted with and made a positive impact in their lives.

In my last few days as an NSF, I've decided against the conventional. I want to make everyday count, experience to the fullest what NS can offer and contribute what little I can to the cause I believe in.

Medics. Seek, Save Serve!

I am certainly going to miss you all.

ORD lo!!!

Running the race

At the 14km mark. This is probably the furthest I have ever ran without stopping. I was on the route of of 24km route march along the Gardens by the Bay. My legs were hurting. People were just overtaking me. I told myself I shall not stop at all till I hit 15km. I just crossed it...is it time to stop and walk? If I stop, would I lose the momentum? But 休息乃是跑更远的路...Reaching the water point, fatigue overtook me and I stopped.

15km...16km...I was barely able to continue running. Each step I took became a mental struggle. My muscles were aching, my lower limbs were going numb, I can feel the abrasions on my feet forming despite my prophylactic bandaging, my toe nails were extremely painful. I was consistently being overtaken, out ran by some whom I had overtaken earlier. The finishing point seems so far away, completely the race seemed so impossible. Suddenly, the thought came to me "Just give up"...and on the iPod, the song played:


... 当失望的时候.不要放弃.不要放弃.
大声唱哈利路亚.
欢喜快乐吧.勇敢往前踏.
大声唱哈利路亚.
活出神放在心中的蓝图和盼望....



17km...18km...My right knee begin to develop a sharp pain. We were running pass Marina Bay Sands when   I passed by Aaron who was coming in the opposite direction. He gave me a thumbs up and I returned it with a smile. But as I took a step to run, there was a snap and sharp pain over the lateral aspect of my right knee. Shucks, must be my ITB. I could only walk from then on and braved a few short distance of sprints before the pain came back and I had to walk.

I suddenly found myself praying. Dear Lord, I know that I cannot complete this race alone. My body is broken and I can barely move on. But I know that by your strength I can! Help me Lord! Run this race with me. Carry me on...

And I remember our Lord in the Garden of Gethsemane. He too prayed for the cup of suffering to be lifted. His heart must be aching way more than my muscles are. Yet, He choose to carry on, knowing the extreme pain and torture that was to come. He ended His prayer with "Not my will but Yours be done".

Indeed, the journey of the cross is no easy one. During the Good Friday sermon, I recalled the pastor sharing that when God calls us to carry our cross, it is more than just a willingness to suffer extreme conditions, but a decision to bear our own struggles/weakness/imperfection/sins to follow Christ. It is a daily struggle, in big things and small, to decide against personal comfort/self interest, to follow Christ in His journey of the cross.


...十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
超乎我所求所想,
洗净我罪, 脱离污秽,
穿上公义洁白衣裳,

十架的爱, 何等奇妙,
我生命从此不再一样,
带我重回天父怀抱,
在永恒里我不停歌唱,十架的爱 ...

19km...20km.... I had not expected the final last km to be so convoluted. The finishing point was so near yet so far. I wanted to just sprint forward, to just finish the race, but my body simply would not let me. My leg muscles were cramping up, going into weird spams. The ITB pain was almost excruciating. I felt broken.

Christ must have suffered so much more as He bore the cross towards Golgotha. His body too was broken, after the numerous lashes and brutal beatings. He must have been bleeding from all the lacerations and abrasions. He wore the crown of thorns, which cut right through his scalp. He was carrying the wooden cross, which was not only physically heavy, but even mentally tortuously heavy, knowing full well that it will be upon that cross that He will be crucified. Yet He took each step closer to Golgotha, despite the agony and pain...He walked, fell, crawled towards Calvary...because He loved us

...On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
The emblem of suff’ring and shame;
And I love that old cross where the dearest and best
For a world of lost sinners was slain


So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown...

The last km... I was barely able to run anymore. I kept setting personal mental targets to reach, but failing them quickly. Once again, I doubted if I could even run pass the finishing line. Many who have already completed the race stood by cheering us on. I wanted to run, but my body simply wouldn't. I walked...walked...despair and helplessness raising with each step. Suddenly I felt a pat on my back. One of the SMTI sergeants, whom I had overtaken earlier ran pass me and shouted, "Don't give up". I returned with a quick chuckled, gathered all strength and fought the inertia.

As I made the final turn that brought me to he finishing lap, I raised my head and fixed my eyes on the finishing line. The world around me seem to fade away and the pain in my legs seem to become negligible. I was fixated on the finishing line, I was going to cross it.

Heb 12:1-3 immediately came to mind
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,  fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Phi 3: 13-14
"Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

The finishing line was like the cross. I could almost feel God's welcoming embrace. By some miracle, my legs gained strength and they carried me through that last lap... I prayed, gave thanks, cried. Scenes of my life quickly flashed across. The many "races" in my life, the many painful and long enduring struggles I had to suffer, the many challenges which left me helpless and at times hopeless...But in every moment of desperation and helplessness, God provided strength and hope for me to move on. Each time I fixed upon Him, like the bronze snake in the desert, I was filled with healing and hope. Such unchanging love and faith, that is the power of the cross! That is the love of God.

After the race, the first thing I did was to msg Fangyu "It is finished". On the cross, as Christ drew His last breath, He said "It is finished". I finished the race for a personal pride that I have now completed 21km. Christ finished His ministry on earth by paying the price of our sins with His own blood. What a drastic comparison!

Easter Sunday, a celebration of Christ's victory over death, a reminder of Christ love for us, a renewal of our hope and faith in the cross, a reaffirmation that because He lives, we can face tomorrow! Indeed, in life's race, the finishing point is invisible to us, seemingly long and far away. We may be running, with all the aches and pain. Our bodies may be paralysed by the torturous pains, disabled by the helplessness of the situation. Worst still, some of us bear heavy burdens which weigh us down. We run, but yet seem to not be moving forward at all. People may overtake us, mock us, tease us. But always remember, we have Christ on whom we can fix our eyes upon. He is faithful and never changing. We have His assurance that He will never leave us or forsake us and will certainly carry us on His eagles wings. He calls us to be strong and courageous, to run the race towards the goal He has prepared for us.

Because He lives, there is no fear in tomorrow.

Because He lives, there is hope in tomorrow.

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.