I'm on leave!!!! And my leave is ending :(
But I'm extremely thankful for this short break. It's a good rest in many sense of the rest. Physical rest (more time to sleep), mental rest (don't need to think about work) and most important of all, Spiritual rest (Amen!!!). It was also a time to catch up with family and friends, to renew relationships lost due to the business of work.
2 miraculous events I must mention, and give thanks for :)
1) I've finally, and completely finished another book :) The Great Divorce by C. S. Liews. Thank God for such a proliferic writer who has brought out such deep and thought-provoking ideas. Through many of the examples of "people in hell", one point was made, heaven is the place where man desires God and Him alone. It doesn't potray a selfish, self-deluded God, but reflects God's great love for us. Hell is a place where we are trapped in our own desires, unable to break free. It is indeed sad, to be unable to break away from the bondage on earth (be it relationships, ideals, things we treasure and hold onto), having to carry it onto our afterlife, allowing them to continue to trouble us. No wonder Christ often remind us, if we are to follow Him, we must "carry our cross, deny ourselves" Mat 16:24-25
And it is even scarier to be looking on these people from a thrid person point of view cos these pple reflect the very things that I hold on to dearly. My family, many of my ideals/values, friends...And these things are so so subtle, some I even consider it's pursual a Godly thing. But Liews portrays a pastor in hell, so obsessed about sharing the gospel that he actually forgot the Star of the gospel. Reaching heaven, he chose to return to hell wanting to share the gospel rather than being with God. Indeed, it is so easy to be caught up with the work that we often forget our motivation for the work. Just as 许牧师 reminded us today from Mary/Martha and Jesus's encounter " Martha...you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10: 41-42
As I reflected on the book, I realised that I don't really love God...that having God as my heart's sole desire is so so difficult. The world has just too many things that bind my heart, stealing that throne fit for my King. I can delude myself saying that they are God centered, but honestly, when it comes to the crunch at the gates of heaven, would I be able to let them all go to be filled with God and God alone?
Father, fill my heart with your presence once more. Clear that throne room of my life of everything that is keeping me from you. Oh Lord, I pray that YOU are the only motivation for everything in my life, my love for my family, Fangyu, ministry, friends, work...Father, may it stem only from You!
2) I completely lost my voice this morning when I woke up!!! On any other sunday that would not have been a matter of major concern. But this morning, I was going to lead worship!!!! OMG!!! How to lead worship when I can't even speak!?!?!? But instead of devastation and panic that gripped me, I was filled with peace and one reminder...Pray!! And thank God that's what I did.
God worked His miraculous hand to orchestrate a wonderful service with a voiceless worship leader. What a beautiful reminded that the worship does not depend on me alone. Not singing for 80% of the service has given me the opportunity to appreciate the importance of the music team, of the tech team and of the whole congregation singing in unison. What beautiful worship that is, to worship God in truth and Spirit. En route to church, I kept thinking, would a voiceless worship leader cause the whole service to become very messy? But God reminded me, and affirmed, our worship is to Him and He is the center of our worship. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can make that worship less, when we worship Him from our hearts.
Father, teach us as a church to worship you from our hearts, to make a music so beautiful pleasing to Your ears, a river that flows declaring Your glory, a fragrance so sweet spreading Your love and blessing...as a church.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
新年，新生命
新年，新生命
许牧师
What is a new beginning to us as Christians?
Mark 5:1-18
We must first have an encouter with Christ!!
1. 耶稣让我们看见我们生命的黑暗/软落。
Mark 5:2-6 --> being bounded n kept in the dark gloomy graveyard. Does our life also have that dark miserable point?
so how did things change? He had an encouter wif Christ!!! When Christ comes into our life,
- he gives light to shine in the darkness of our life
- to give a new perspective to the struggles we face (our self centeredness, weakness, sin... )
- to give strength n courage to overcome our weakness
"Dear Lord, I have a big problem in my life, causing me so much miseary, holding me back from moving forward. help me Lord!"
2. 耶稣让我们看见生命新的意义，肯定生命的价值。
Jesus came specially to visit this demon possessed man, out of his way/culture and to consider his life much more worthy compared to 2 thousand pigs.
Our life has great value in Christ!! But we are too often blinded by the worldly values to see just how precious we are in Christ. As a result, we blindly pursue the empty values of the world, to become miserable n empty wif the temporal values.
So, have we been seeing others as valuable people? the sick whale in the ward, the uncle sweeping the floor, the troublesome family? Oh Lord, forgive me for thinking i am more valuable than others, help me to see ur glory in others.
3. 生命有新 的方向，领受 生命的呼召。
Have we seeked the direction n calling God has given us?
Ah, a new year with many new beginnings :) time to be on my knees to pray.
许牧师
What is a new beginning to us as Christians?
Mark 5:1-18
We must first have an encouter with Christ!!
1. 耶稣让我们看见我们生命的黑暗/软落。
Mark 5:2-6 --> being bounded n kept in the dark gloomy graveyard. Does our life also have that dark miserable point?
so how did things change? He had an encouter wif Christ!!! When Christ comes into our life,
- he gives light to shine in the darkness of our life
- to give a new perspective to the struggles we face (our self centeredness, weakness, sin... )
- to give strength n courage to overcome our weakness
"Dear Lord, I have a big problem in my life, causing me so much miseary, holding me back from moving forward. help me Lord!"
2. 耶稣让我们看见生命新的意义，肯定生命的价值。
Jesus came specially to visit this demon possessed man, out of his way/culture and to consider his life much more worthy compared to 2 thousand pigs.
Our life has great value in Christ!! But we are too often blinded by the worldly values to see just how precious we are in Christ. As a result, we blindly pursue the empty values of the world, to become miserable n empty wif the temporal values.
So, have we been seeing others as valuable people? the sick whale in the ward, the uncle sweeping the floor, the troublesome family? Oh Lord, forgive me for thinking i am more valuable than others, help me to see ur glory in others.
3. 生命有新 的方向，领受 生命的呼召。
Have we seeked the direction n calling God has given us?
Ah, a new year with many new beginnings :) time to be on my knees to pray.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
A child again
I thank God.
For reminding me, that im just a child in His eyes. a child, learning to grow, preciously held, stubborn at times, yet loved.
Indeed, todays intro bible study has revealled so much inside me. declaring God's glory was the title, n I tot, I ve heard so much about it in cf, wats new? n God, thru Sarah, slapped me real hard wif this "If we think we know God's glory, then we are truly blind". I tot i had a wealth of christian experience, of better christian knowledge than others. but i suddenly realised, painfully, that all these did not matter.
My life has been increasing devoid of God. i m losing the very innocence n joy of having faith n trusting in God. my r/s wif others,is soon taking up a senior/superior form "i ve got income", "I've got knowledge", "I'm a doctor, u are not"
Even in church ministry, I think I m spirtually way ahead, served in so many vocations, had much bible study n lessons. but God has helped me realise that i m no more than a child, learning to serve n love Him again.
At work, I realise MBBS is really nothing. i have almost forgotten all the knowledge n skills i ve gain. Indeed, as I work (and see my seniors) work (or even my juniors around practicing), I think they are so much better me. I am a dangerous doctor...and the greatest danger is that I don't recognise the danger.
For reminding me, that im just a child in His eyes. a child, learning to grow, preciously held, stubborn at times, yet loved.
Indeed, todays intro bible study has revealled so much inside me. declaring God's glory was the title, n I tot, I ve heard so much about it in cf, wats new? n God, thru Sarah, slapped me real hard wif this "If we think we know God's glory, then we are truly blind". I tot i had a wealth of christian experience, of better christian knowledge than others. but i suddenly realised, painfully, that all these did not matter.
My life has been increasing devoid of God. i m losing the very innocence n joy of having faith n trusting in God. my r/s wif others,is soon taking up a senior/superior form "i ve got income", "I've got knowledge", "I'm a doctor, u are not"
Even in church ministry, I think I m spirtually way ahead, served in so many vocations, had much bible study n lessons. but God has helped me realise that i m no more than a child, learning to serve n love Him again.
At work, I realise MBBS is really nothing. i have almost forgotten all the knowledge n skills i ve gain. Indeed, as I work (and see my seniors) work (or even my juniors around practicing), I think they are so much better me. I am a dangerous doctor...and the greatest danger is that I don't recognise the danger.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I don't want to grow up
Talked to andrew earlier, n realised just how much i dont want to grow.
Andrew suggested tat i do some tough speciality n get good training. my mind sings the same song, but my heart is so weary about it. after going thru these months of pain, i dont really want to suffer it again. i just want a break!!! but do i need it?
Then here we are thinking about our xiaozhu's future, about finding a new leader, n fang yu suggested that being a leader is a good spiritual training, n i realised how much i dread growing up too *thanks zhengxin for e massage*
I have been wanting to take up the role of being a grp leader, but i know i cant. i dont have a clear burden, no direction. but i think back about the joys of leading cf, and i wonder why i cant do it now?
Ah, not to forget gcube. Did I not joined gcube cos I wanted to struggle and work out my faith? but i have been so dorment and inactive. Where has all the drive and passion gone? Where has the passion to grow in the Lord gone?
I dont want to grow up!!! i have not e courage to take up new burden, no heart to learn, no will to take the road of suffering...
But yet i know i must. i know God will want me to. but my heart...it is so weak, so waery...oh Lord, save me, speak to me n grant me the courage to move on. if not, my life wld crumble, my relationships will fail n my faith will be non-existance.
Father, pls also give me wisdom to learn n know where u wld want me to put my energies in. teach me to seek ur kingdom, ur will n to follow ur direction. help me Lord.\par}
Andrew suggested tat i do some tough speciality n get good training. my mind sings the same song, but my heart is so weary about it. after going thru these months of pain, i dont really want to suffer it again. i just want a break!!! but do i need it?
Then here we are thinking about our xiaozhu's future, about finding a new leader, n fang yu suggested that being a leader is a good spiritual training, n i realised how much i dread growing up too *thanks zhengxin for e massage*
I have been wanting to take up the role of being a grp leader, but i know i cant. i dont have a clear burden, no direction. but i think back about the joys of leading cf, and i wonder why i cant do it now?
Ah, not to forget gcube. Did I not joined gcube cos I wanted to struggle and work out my faith? but i have been so dorment and inactive. Where has all the drive and passion gone? Where has the passion to grow in the Lord gone?
I dont want to grow up!!! i have not e courage to take up new burden, no heart to learn, no will to take the road of suffering...
But yet i know i must. i know God will want me to. but my heart...it is so weak, so waery...oh Lord, save me, speak to me n grant me the courage to move on. if not, my life wld crumble, my relationships will fail n my faith will be non-existance.
Father, pls also give me wisdom to learn n know where u wld want me to put my energies in. teach me to seek ur kingdom, ur will n to follow ur direction. help me Lord.\par}
Saturday, December 18, 2010
to our MSW, CH and VNH
After dealing with so many social cases, I realised one thing...We should be praying for our MSW, the various community hospitals, voluntary nursing homes and other community service. Cos they are the "last defence" for our patients...but who is supporting this greatly deprived organisations? We often take them for granted, expect them to be there when we need them. May the Lord continue to provide and bless them.
Monday, December 6, 2010
There r no regrets in life, only lessons learnt
Just made a big boo boo.
Start: NAFA destination: the nearest mrt home.
Plan: little india mrt. then we walked...saw national library, thought, ah, bras bahsar mrt nearer, can take circle line. the walking towards nat lib, realised that i m actually nearer to bugis, then was at the junction when i suddenly rmb my journey from church to fes ie lib which was amazingly short, so decided to just walk to city hall instead (save money to transfer).
As i walked, in the silence of the night n coolness of the nat lib, i got really emo bout just how sad my life is. dreading life, dreading work, wondering how i can carry on, wondering how OTHERS carry on...walked walked, i found myself sitting at the seats beside smrt hq... ... ...
Then my phone rang. dad wanted me to buy bread. i dont know why, but i crazily answered, from carrefour? and so, i begin my journy back to dhoby ghaut...thru SMU, thru hotel rendavous... ... to suddenly realise, didnt i just start around here not too long ago????
I had almost walked back to where I started!!! What a big boo boo!!!!
But life is like this.
You learn from the mistakes u make. you learn from the imperfections. yes, sometimes the boo boos are more frequent, more repetative. sometimes the price to pay is much higher, more painful...but at the end of the day, what doesnt kill u only make u stronger.
And thus...every lesson in life becomes a blessing. thru mistakes u see ur weakness. thru weakness u see ur imperfection n incapability. and thru it u see Gods strength n perfection n blessings. what amazing love n grace :)
To think just moments ago i was contemplating ending my miserable life. what a misery it wld be then, to not see God's blessing n be filled wif such joy n grace :)
Hallelujah!!!! To God be the glory!!!
Start: NAFA destination: the nearest mrt home.
Plan: little india mrt. then we walked...saw national library, thought, ah, bras bahsar mrt nearer, can take circle line. the walking towards nat lib, realised that i m actually nearer to bugis, then was at the junction when i suddenly rmb my journey from church to fes ie lib which was amazingly short, so decided to just walk to city hall instead (save money to transfer).
As i walked, in the silence of the night n coolness of the nat lib, i got really emo bout just how sad my life is. dreading life, dreading work, wondering how i can carry on, wondering how OTHERS carry on...walked walked, i found myself sitting at the seats beside smrt hq... ... ...
Then my phone rang. dad wanted me to buy bread. i dont know why, but i crazily answered, from carrefour? and so, i begin my journy back to dhoby ghaut...thru SMU, thru hotel rendavous... ... to suddenly realise, didnt i just start around here not too long ago????
I had almost walked back to where I started!!! What a big boo boo!!!!
But life is like this.
You learn from the mistakes u make. you learn from the imperfections. yes, sometimes the boo boos are more frequent, more repetative. sometimes the price to pay is much higher, more painful...but at the end of the day, what doesnt kill u only make u stronger.
And thus...every lesson in life becomes a blessing. thru mistakes u see ur weakness. thru weakness u see ur imperfection n incapability. and thru it u see Gods strength n perfection n blessings. what amazing love n grace :)
To think just moments ago i was contemplating ending my miserable life. what a misery it wld be then, to not see God's blessing n be filled wif such joy n grace :)
Hallelujah!!!! To God be the glory!!!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
In the belly of the whale...
The boat is rocking violently in the raging storm. There seems to be no rest, no peace, no joy. All around is bitter darkness. How can one be the salt and light being beatten and thrown about in the raging sea? There seems to be no hope...only to jump off the boat...
And here comes the whale....*gulp*
God is good...all the time!!!
===============
I thank for His ever sufficient grace and blessings.When all seems hopeless, He blessed me today through Rev Wong TM's sharing at our church's anual Medical Sunday. It was a simple sharing on Christian devotion, a simply familiar theme which speaks deeply.
John 21:15-19
Jesus said:" Do you love me?"
Peter replied:"Yes I do Lord"
Jesus: "Feed my sheep/Take care of my sheep"
[x3]
These days, I began to realise how much God has been detached from my work. Work is increasingly becoming just work, an every day affair, a rigid ritual, an obstacle I have to cross (hopefully without too much trouble) before I can receive rest for that day. I begin each day counting down to the end of the day. More work = more pain. There seems to be no joy/hope, only stress and misery.
Yet this is what God has called me to! This is the place where I pray weekly at the end of service, I want to love and serve God in. Yet, have I been serving the Lord thru my work? I feel so guilty and unworthy of the purpose that God has called me to serve and worship Him. Work has become a curse... ... because I have lost sight of God.
Rev Wong shared an intresting point about worship, including both a creative/artistic expression and the practical/service expression of love to God. And what service would the Almighty need of us? Jesus puts it clearly: Feed my sheep/Take care of my sheep
That's what God has called all of us to do! For us to see Christ thru the suffering of others, to find Him amongst the needy. Yet, have I? Oh how blinded I have been to be seeking God in the wrong places when He can be found in the vast harvest field He has placed me in! God is right here in the midst of my work! I pray for God's kingdom to come and His will to be done, yet why am I so blind? Where is the Christian devotion in my life?
Cos my life has been too fragmented and thus fall into pieces. I have cut the line between personal/professional, sercular/sacred. Oh Lord, how I need your healing, to heal my fragmented life, to restore Your kingdom in the completeness of my life!
In worship, God inspires us to work.
In work, God receives our worship!
Father Lord, I pray:
1) That you help me see the suffering Christ in the suffering of the people I serve (patients/colleagues), that every one I serve be like serving you. Humble me to love them even when they are unlovable, give me the courage and out pouring of Your blessings.
2) Teach me to give without expecting any return (rest/recognision), but only the joy which comes from Your pleasure. May I be good...for nothing. May the work of my hands not receive recognision by the world, but by You O Lord!
3) Give me the courage to encourage others, to fan the passion in others, to serve and worship. Father, I thank you that you have not called us to be solo rangers in this battlefield, but to enter the World as a family of bro/sis, united in Your fellowship. Give me wisdom to care for my colleagues and juniors, to see them more than just colleagues but a family.
Father, all these I pray in your holy and precious name. Amen.
And here comes the whale....*gulp*
God is good...all the time!!!
===============
I thank for His ever sufficient grace and blessings.When all seems hopeless, He blessed me today through Rev Wong TM's sharing at our church's anual Medical Sunday. It was a simple sharing on Christian devotion, a simply familiar theme which speaks deeply.
John 21:15-19
Jesus said:" Do you love me?"
Peter replied:"Yes I do Lord"
Jesus: "Feed my sheep/Take care of my sheep"
[x3]
These days, I began to realise how much God has been detached from my work. Work is increasingly becoming just work, an every day affair, a rigid ritual, an obstacle I have to cross (hopefully without too much trouble) before I can receive rest for that day. I begin each day counting down to the end of the day. More work = more pain. There seems to be no joy/hope, only stress and misery.
Yet this is what God has called me to! This is the place where I pray weekly at the end of service, I want to love and serve God in. Yet, have I been serving the Lord thru my work? I feel so guilty and unworthy of the purpose that God has called me to serve and worship Him. Work has become a curse... ... because I have lost sight of God.
Rev Wong shared an intresting point about worship, including both a creative/artistic expression and the practical/service expression of love to God. And what service would the Almighty need of us? Jesus puts it clearly: Feed my sheep/Take care of my sheep
That's what God has called all of us to do! For us to see Christ thru the suffering of others, to find Him amongst the needy. Yet, have I? Oh how blinded I have been to be seeking God in the wrong places when He can be found in the vast harvest field He has placed me in! God is right here in the midst of my work! I pray for God's kingdom to come and His will to be done, yet why am I so blind? Where is the Christian devotion in my life?
Cos my life has been too fragmented and thus fall into pieces. I have cut the line between personal/professional, sercular/sacred. Oh Lord, how I need your healing, to heal my fragmented life, to restore Your kingdom in the completeness of my life!
In worship, God inspires us to work.
In work, God receives our worship!
Father Lord, I pray:
1) That you help me see the suffering Christ in the suffering of the people I serve (patients/colleagues), that every one I serve be like serving you. Humble me to love them even when they are unlovable, give me the courage and out pouring of Your blessings.
2) Teach me to give without expecting any return (rest/recognision), but only the joy which comes from Your pleasure. May I be good...for nothing. May the work of my hands not receive recognision by the world, but by You O Lord!
3) Give me the courage to encourage others, to fan the passion in others, to serve and worship. Father, I thank you that you have not called us to be solo rangers in this battlefield, but to enter the World as a family of bro/sis, united in Your fellowship. Give me wisdom to care for my colleagues and juniors, to see them more than just colleagues but a family.
Father, all these I pray in your holy and precious name. Amen.
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