Someone...a rather long time ago...commented that birthdays are special moments for us to stop and give thanks for ALL the blessings the Lord has given us throughout our lifespan. Indeed, birthdays are possible only because of the gift of life God has given...and birthdays are precious, because of the gifts of love from many others God has given. Birthdays are not about ME, but rather, the many others God has given and blessed me with. It's a celebration of God's love !!!!
As I celebrate my second lunar cycle (ie 24 yrs), I am just amazed by God's blessings through the year and through the years. Family, friends, miracles are just about in every page and chapter of my life.
To all my dear friends out there...
THANK YOU!!!! for making my birthday possible :)
Friday, July 16, 2010
Monday, July 5, 2010
生命就是一场战争
许牧师 gave an inspiring sermon that truly touched my heart.
Sharing from 出埃及记 17: 8-16, it was a precious lesson from how God was the banner over the Isrealistes as they battled the Amalekites.
生命就是一场战争：
1）我们是否与神争战，或是神与我们争战？
2）我们是否为神而争战，或是神为我们争战？
3）我们是否在乎赢得战役，或是赢得战争？
Three questions that really hit the soul and searches the spirit. It questions the very attitude and motivation to our daily activities. There is no doubt that life is a daily battle. At a physical level (work, studies, relationships) or on a spiritual level. But how do we fight these battles? What sld our attitudes be?
Simply put, God is should be the center/focus of all battles. He should be the reason and motivation we fight. We battle each day for His cause, we battle for Him and not Him for us; and we want to focus on the final goal, the Cross, not just on the small wars each day.
How apt is this sharing in view of the work I do now! Indeed, I find myself in a daily battle in many sense of the word, against the world, against myself and against the devil. Yet so often, I find myself asking "Where is God?", "Why can't God just help me?" rather than recognising that God is the focus of ALL my work! What a foolish and blind man I have been, to be deceived by the Evil one.
Indeed, have been feeling very Spiritually dry recently. Maybe it's being sick and fatigued. Maybe it's things going more smoothly than usual. Or maybe it's just pure laziness to challenge my thinking and actions, to keep them in check. All in all, I have slowly taken over God's place in my life to become the self-centered me...and I know, life wld soon be in a mess if things don't start changing.
Oh Father Lord, I am such a weak and foolish person. I am so in need of Your grace and guidance. Help me Father, be my Jehovah Jireh and Jehovah Nissi, for I want to battle under Your banner till eternity. Amen.
Sharing from 出埃及记 17: 8-16, it was a precious lesson from how God was the banner over the Isrealistes as they battled the Amalekites.
生命就是一场战争：
1）我们是否与神争战，或是神与我们争战？
2）我们是否为神而争战，或是神为我们争战？
3）我们是否在乎赢得战役，或是赢得战争？
Three questions that really hit the soul and searches the spirit. It questions the very attitude and motivation to our daily activities. There is no doubt that life is a daily battle. At a physical level (work, studies, relationships) or on a spiritual level. But how do we fight these battles? What sld our attitudes be?
Simply put, God is should be the center/focus of all battles. He should be the reason and motivation we fight. We battle each day for His cause, we battle for Him and not Him for us; and we want to focus on the final goal, the Cross, not just on the small wars each day.
How apt is this sharing in view of the work I do now! Indeed, I find myself in a daily battle in many sense of the word, against the world, against myself and against the devil. Yet so often, I find myself asking "Where is God?", "Why can't God just help me?" rather than recognising that God is the focus of ALL my work! What a foolish and blind man I have been, to be deceived by the Evil one.
Indeed, have been feeling very Spiritually dry recently. Maybe it's being sick and fatigued. Maybe it's things going more smoothly than usual. Or maybe it's just pure laziness to challenge my thinking and actions, to keep them in check. All in all, I have slowly taken over God's place in my life to become the self-centered me...and I know, life wld soon be in a mess if things don't start changing.
Oh Father Lord, I am such a weak and foolish person. I am so in need of Your grace and guidance. Help me Father, be my Jehovah Jireh and Jehovah Nissi, for I want to battle under Your banner till eternity. Amen.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
不求外在苦难短减，只求内心力量加添
I felt like crying, but yet no tears came. I felt like having an angina, a deep physical aching in my heart, almost crushing in nature. I was faint, naueating and even close to syncope. The more my thoughts went by, the worse the symptoms...Sucide came to mind, but I thank God for sweeping it away almost instantly.
Why am I here suffering? Why do I have to subject myself to such agony? I could simply quit and leave all these behind and move on. I could simply live each day on "survival mode" and de uninterested in the work. But yet, I know I can't...
I can't...because God would not want me to.
It's into the 2nd month of my HOship. One would expect that I'm more experienced, more settled down into the system, more confident in dealing with patients and medically related stuff. But on the contrary, I realise day by day just how much I do not know, even simple "medical student" level stuff. More and more of my weakness are revealled in dangerous situations, often, to the extend of scaring myself. I am a dangerous doctor, a terrible curse to my patients and a burden to my colleagues.
So I sld just quit...
But many have reminded me that I am barely starting on this journey. There's so much I don't know, so much I need to learn. I know I am a slow learner, and wld have to humble in learning and a little more hardworking in picking up these skills on the job. But... ... I'm tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally...and even Spiritually tired. It's becoming a struggle everyday to keep up the positiveness, to remember why I am here every day.
But we worship an amazing God!!!! Many times, I am just so thankful for God's blessing and encouragements from His word. Indeed, we serve not out of what we have, but out of an overflowing of the Lord's blessing. His Spirit fills us so abundantly that we simply outflow with His joy and grace. Therefore, He is glorified through our weakness (as Paul puts it nicely)!!!! What an amazing encouragement!!!
These days I feel like giving up, to just slack and care-less, to just live life my own way, disregarding everyone else. But God reminds and reprimands me, that I worship Him. He encourages me, that He who begin the good work, will see to its beautiful completion!!! And so, here is my prayer : 不求外在苦难短减，只求内心力量加添!
All glory to God alone!!!
Why am I here suffering? Why do I have to subject myself to such agony? I could simply quit and leave all these behind and move on. I could simply live each day on "survival mode" and de uninterested in the work. But yet, I know I can't...
I can't...because God would not want me to.
It's into the 2nd month of my HOship. One would expect that I'm more experienced, more settled down into the system, more confident in dealing with patients and medically related stuff. But on the contrary, I realise day by day just how much I do not know, even simple "medical student" level stuff. More and more of my weakness are revealled in dangerous situations, often, to the extend of scaring myself. I am a dangerous doctor, a terrible curse to my patients and a burden to my colleagues.
So I sld just quit...
But many have reminded me that I am barely starting on this journey. There's so much I don't know, so much I need to learn. I know I am a slow learner, and wld have to humble in learning and a little more hardworking in picking up these skills on the job. But... ... I'm tired. Physically, mentally, emotionally...and even Spiritually tired. It's becoming a struggle everyday to keep up the positiveness, to remember why I am here every day.
But we worship an amazing God!!!! Many times, I am just so thankful for God's blessing and encouragements from His word. Indeed, we serve not out of what we have, but out of an overflowing of the Lord's blessing. His Spirit fills us so abundantly that we simply outflow with His joy and grace. Therefore, He is glorified through our weakness (as Paul puts it nicely)!!!! What an amazing encouragement!!!
These days I feel like giving up, to just slack and care-less, to just live life my own way, disregarding everyone else. But God reminds and reprimands me, that I worship Him. He encourages me, that He who begin the good work, will see to its beautiful completion!!! And so, here is my prayer : 不求外在苦难短减，只求内心力量加添!
All glory to God alone!!!
Monday, May 17, 2010
The real deal
I'm into my 3rd week of being a doctor...and I'm still dumbfounded by this role that God has placed me in.
The power to heal...and kill...To build and to break, to love and to un-love. I feel like I'm standing in this thin balance where any small move will make or break...And how I hate such situations, to have so little space to manuever, to have so little confidence to propel, so little time to consider. It is truly out of my comfort zone...Yet I thank God for placing me where I am.
This is the real deal! This is the being of a compassionate, competent, Christian doctor I have been praying all my five years. And how I thank God for the vision He had given me right at the start of the journey, and how He hs promised me with a rainbow that He will see me through this journey.
Life in the wards is challenging. One is faced with many decisions, many relations. I can't multi-task for nuts and when things are thrown at me all of a sudden, I find myself simply lost in the pile of mess. Loving is not a mere emotion, but an action with rational decision. Deciding to love as Christ does takes great wisdom and humility, no more "gut feeling" but lots of prayful moments of inner conviction and inspiration.
Over the past 2 weeks, I have so often found myself in the dark side --- the uncompassionate, incompetent, self-centered me. I find a great struggle to even think WWJD, I find it a pain to pray, to think. What a great temptation it is to just be slack, get things done and survive. But I thank God He will not have me live my life so...How often He has rebuked me thru seniors, my dear bro Sam and many others, and also to encourage me thru them. All praise and glory to Him alone!!!
I have come to see my work as a worship and offering to God...and there can be NO substandards, not because I wanna shine in front of anyone, but cos I am accountable to Him, who has blessed me to bless others, who has called me to this office. Glory to God in the highest!!!
The power to heal...and kill...To build and to break, to love and to un-love. I feel like I'm standing in this thin balance where any small move will make or break...And how I hate such situations, to have so little space to manuever, to have so little confidence to propel, so little time to consider. It is truly out of my comfort zone...Yet I thank God for placing me where I am.
This is the real deal! This is the being of a compassionate, competent, Christian doctor I have been praying all my five years. And how I thank God for the vision He had given me right at the start of the journey, and how He hs promised me with a rainbow that He will see me through this journey.
Life in the wards is challenging. One is faced with many decisions, many relations. I can't multi-task for nuts and when things are thrown at me all of a sudden, I find myself simply lost in the pile of mess. Loving is not a mere emotion, but an action with rational decision. Deciding to love as Christ does takes great wisdom and humility, no more "gut feeling" but lots of prayful moments of inner conviction and inspiration.
Over the past 2 weeks, I have so often found myself in the dark side --- the uncompassionate, incompetent, self-centered me. I find a great struggle to even think WWJD, I find it a pain to pray, to think. What a great temptation it is to just be slack, get things done and survive. But I thank God He will not have me live my life so...How often He has rebuked me thru seniors, my dear bro Sam and many others, and also to encourage me thru them. All praise and glory to Him alone!!!
I have come to see my work as a worship and offering to God...and there can be NO substandards, not because I wanna shine in front of anyone, but cos I am accountable to Him, who has blessed me to bless others, who has called me to this office. Glory to God in the highest!!!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Dr Chua
Got myself registered with the Singapore Medical Council, got my PC and number. For the first time in my life, I sign an offical document addressed to Dr Chua Yu Cong Eugene :)
I can hardly describe the joy of seeing my name on the PC. It's a beautiful dream come true, a prize received at the end of a race.
My heart was filled with awe and amazement as I looked back about the five years that God has brought me through. All the miracles He has revealed in my life, all the obstacles and challenges He has carried me through, all the precious experiences and lessons learnt...Indeed, all praise and glory to God, for it was by His grace and strength alone that I can run this race. It was a long race of bitter-sweet joys and sorrows. It was a race with many hurdles and pits. I fell. I hurt myself, but God's hand was always there. Through every tough time, He sent forth His blessing, assured me with His promise, and helped me to stand and run again.
And now, a new race has began.
This is the race to become the compassionate, competent Christian doc God has called me to be. Yes, it's so exciting at the starting point. I begin to recall all the lessons God has taught me, all the inspirational role models He has blessed me to meet and all the struggles that lie ahead. It's gonna be another painfully long race, but I am sure the Lord will lead.
For now, let's get our hearts settled right with the Lord, awaiting His gunshot and run the race!!
I can hardly describe the joy of seeing my name on the PC. It's a beautiful dream come true, a prize received at the end of a race.
My heart was filled with awe and amazement as I looked back about the five years that God has brought me through. All the miracles He has revealed in my life, all the obstacles and challenges He has carried me through, all the precious experiences and lessons learnt...Indeed, all praise and glory to God, for it was by His grace and strength alone that I can run this race. It was a long race of bitter-sweet joys and sorrows. It was a race with many hurdles and pits. I fell. I hurt myself, but God's hand was always there. Through every tough time, He sent forth His blessing, assured me with His promise, and helped me to stand and run again.
And now, a new race has began.
This is the race to become the compassionate, competent Christian doc God has called me to be. Yes, it's so exciting at the starting point. I begin to recall all the lessons God has taught me, all the inspirational role models He has blessed me to meet and all the struggles that lie ahead. It's gonna be another painfully long race, but I am sure the Lord will lead.
For now, let's get our hearts settled right with the Lord, awaiting His gunshot and run the race!!
Monday, April 5, 2010
The "joys" of being a doctor
An account from my SIP days...
There’s this old lady under my team’s care who has a past medical history of
1) multiple myeloma
2) congestive heart failure
3) rheumatic arthritis
4) Fe/B12 deficiency
5) Osteoporosis
6) CVA
In addition, she has scabies, which is probably the reason why people choose to keep away from her. “Scabies is infectious!!! And you don’t want scabies” I admit that I would not go close to her without gloves and gown either.
If you have a heart, when you see this poor lady all curled up alone in her bed, you can’t help but have an ache. Bones and joints badly deformed due to RA, she lies there on bed like an embryo. She’s barely able to move, completely ADL dependent and feeds through an NG tube. On the few occasions I talked to her, she said she hasn’t eaten for days and wonders if she would die without eating. I tried my best to explain that her body is still receiving nutrient via the NGT and she’ll just nod, almost resigned to fate. (Ah, I wished I could get the speech therapiest to review her and see if she can start feeding. But then again, what if she aspirates? Plus, she’ll need some one to feed her. Yet, aren’t we robbing her of the simple pleasures of feeding, replacing it with an NGT? )
Walking along the corridors, you could often see Mdm X staring blankly into space, as if in her own fantasy world. I sure pray it’s beautiful memories that are flying through her mind, to bring her a smile or 2 as the days pass by. Yet would reality be so painful that she has simply accepted the “life” she now has, confined to the bed she stays, her world limited to the narrow visual field her eyes are permitted to see. Being ignorant to such a great torturous truth seemed like the more comforting alternative.
No one visits Mdm X, at least in my knowledge. You can even feel an invisible ring surrounding her that seems cursed, where no one wants to tread. Lonely and alone, I shudder to consider such painful loneliness. Won’t life be meaningless when you are in this pitiful state? And God said He came to give us life, and life to fullest. I can hardly see any life in Mdm X.
When asked what she hoped for, her only answer was to return to her former old folks home (at Orchard road). Hearing that is like a stab through my heart. I do not doubt the care the hospital here, but wherever that old folks home is, it's truly home...and yet it ain't a real home, by my definition.
The most painful stroke for me was when I had to set an IV line for Mdm X. I know I’m lousy at IV lines to start with. Her veins are not the most difficult ones, by my standard. They were palpable and visible. Yet as I set my first one, the tubing got kicked :( Already, Mdm X was screaming in pain, the slow, deep wrenching scream of sheer pain. Yet I failed!!! Oh, how I prayed for a success, that I would not have to do it a second time. But why did I fail? Why is it always me who have to inflict pain on others…
How I wish I can vow to never inflict pain again. But yet I know that wld be impossible. I know my limitations and my weakness. But I know, in God, all things are possible...I just have to trust Him, to guide me to care for my patients.
There’s this old lady under my team’s care who has a past medical history of
1) multiple myeloma
2) congestive heart failure
3) rheumatic arthritis
4) Fe/B12 deficiency
5) Osteoporosis
6) CVA
In addition, she has scabies, which is probably the reason why people choose to keep away from her. “Scabies is infectious!!! And you don’t want scabies” I admit that I would not go close to her without gloves and gown either.
If you have a heart, when you see this poor lady all curled up alone in her bed, you can’t help but have an ache. Bones and joints badly deformed due to RA, she lies there on bed like an embryo. She’s barely able to move, completely ADL dependent and feeds through an NG tube. On the few occasions I talked to her, she said she hasn’t eaten for days and wonders if she would die without eating. I tried my best to explain that her body is still receiving nutrient via the NGT and she’ll just nod, almost resigned to fate. (Ah, I wished I could get the speech therapiest to review her and see if she can start feeding. But then again, what if she aspirates? Plus, she’ll need some one to feed her. Yet, aren’t we robbing her of the simple pleasures of feeding, replacing it with an NGT? )
Walking along the corridors, you could often see Mdm X staring blankly into space, as if in her own fantasy world. I sure pray it’s beautiful memories that are flying through her mind, to bring her a smile or 2 as the days pass by. Yet would reality be so painful that she has simply accepted the “life” she now has, confined to the bed she stays, her world limited to the narrow visual field her eyes are permitted to see. Being ignorant to such a great torturous truth seemed like the more comforting alternative.
No one visits Mdm X, at least in my knowledge. You can even feel an invisible ring surrounding her that seems cursed, where no one wants to tread. Lonely and alone, I shudder to consider such painful loneliness. Won’t life be meaningless when you are in this pitiful state? And God said He came to give us life, and life to fullest. I can hardly see any life in Mdm X.
When asked what she hoped for, her only answer was to return to her former old folks home (at Orchard road). Hearing that is like a stab through my heart. I do not doubt the care the hospital here, but wherever that old folks home is, it's truly home...and yet it ain't a real home, by my definition.
The most painful stroke for me was when I had to set an IV line for Mdm X. I know I’m lousy at IV lines to start with. Her veins are not the most difficult ones, by my standard. They were palpable and visible. Yet as I set my first one, the tubing got kicked :( Already, Mdm X was screaming in pain, the slow, deep wrenching scream of sheer pain. Yet I failed!!! Oh, how I prayed for a success, that I would not have to do it a second time. But why did I fail? Why is it always me who have to inflict pain on others…
How I wish I can vow to never inflict pain again. But yet I know that wld be impossible. I know my limitations and my weakness. But I know, in God, all things are possible...I just have to trust Him, to guide me to care for my patients.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Remember the cross
This is one Good Friday which doesn't feel Good friday-ish. Maybe cos the holiday is in the middle of my holiday so don't have that extra feel. Maybe I haven't been to church for a while and have missed the lent reminder (大斋). Maybe my sphere of Christian influence are mostly overseas...But no matter what, there can be no excuse and I am truly ashamed that I haven't spent time reflecting on the cross...forgive me Lord.
But I thank God for my church pastor Rev Titus Zhang. He is truely a gifted speaker. He speaks with great wisdom from God, founding his sermon closely onto the Word and inspiring his sheep to follow after Christ. What a blessing it is to be led by such a shephard...haha, to think that I was angst with him once, foolish me.
Rev Zhang shared a very interesting perspective of the cross...rejection and seperation.(十架上的离弃). The cross marked Christ's rejection by many. (1) the Jews who welcomed Him with palm leaves and shouts of praise were the people who shouted "Crucify Him". (2) His beloved disciple Peter denied Him 3 times, each with a stronger curse. (3) God the Father forsaking Him as He bore the sins of th world.
(1) & (2) Why was there such rejection? It was because Christ did not meet their expectations. When the Jews failed to learn the meaning of Messiah, they found Jesus unfit to be their King as He proclaims. And similarly, when Christ was no longer in a powerful state, Peter's humanly reaction was to run away. Isn't it so between man-man r/s? So often, r/s fall apart becasue one party fails to meet another party's expectations...I can think of a very personal friendship that fits the description.
(3) But not so in the Father's rejection of the Son! Yes, this was a painful rejection, when Christ shouted "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mat 27: 46). It was a terrible seperation of the perfect Trinity. Yet, upon this rejection was the bridge of reconciliation! For it was through Christ's sacrifice that we can have eternal life and be reunited with God.
When we survey the wonderous cross, do we not see God's great sacrifice and love? How then can we achieve such reconciliation between God and Man? Only when we commit our spirits into the Father's hands, just as Christ did!
Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.
But I thank God for my church pastor Rev Titus Zhang. He is truely a gifted speaker. He speaks with great wisdom from God, founding his sermon closely onto the Word and inspiring his sheep to follow after Christ. What a blessing it is to be led by such a shephard...haha, to think that I was angst with him once, foolish me.
Rev Zhang shared a very interesting perspective of the cross...rejection and seperation.(十架上的离弃). The cross marked Christ's rejection by many. (1) the Jews who welcomed Him with palm leaves and shouts of praise were the people who shouted "Crucify Him". (2) His beloved disciple Peter denied Him 3 times, each with a stronger curse. (3) God the Father forsaking Him as He bore the sins of th world.
(1) & (2) Why was there such rejection? It was because Christ did not meet their expectations. When the Jews failed to learn the meaning of Messiah, they found Jesus unfit to be their King as He proclaims. And similarly, when Christ was no longer in a powerful state, Peter's humanly reaction was to run away. Isn't it so between man-man r/s? So often, r/s fall apart becasue one party fails to meet another party's expectations...I can think of a very personal friendship that fits the description.
(3) But not so in the Father's rejection of the Son! Yes, this was a painful rejection, when Christ shouted "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" (Mat 27: 46). It was a terrible seperation of the perfect Trinity. Yet, upon this rejection was the bridge of reconciliation! For it was through Christ's sacrifice that we can have eternal life and be reunited with God.
When we survey the wonderous cross, do we not see God's great sacrifice and love? How then can we achieve such reconciliation between God and Man? Only when we commit our spirits into the Father's hands, just as Christ did!
Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.
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