My hols...it's almost over :(

Ah, the hols really quickly come, quickly go...almost a blink of an eye and i'm 4/5 through my hols. So many things I wished I had more time to do, yet my hols has already been so packed:

Sun:
AM -- Church. Rally missed my 小组. Glad everyone has finished exams. Looking forward to our outing on 27 Oct!!!
PM --1) Karunaya (I'm so sry Bro Reuben for not being able to make it for the past few weeks) 2) Celebrating Kenny's b'day @ Minds cafe. Happy b'day bro!!!

Mon:
AM -- rest, i woke up at 12pm cos was watching 新鹿鼎记 the whole night/morning till 5am
PM -- had BS with Milton n Jonny. Really appreciate the difficulty of leading BS. Still have so much to learn, bout asking the right qns, bout accepting silence. Thank God for the passionate CGLs He has blessed VCF.

Tue:
AM -- had lunch with Grandma, then met SK to hand up log book n cards. Oh yes, bon voyage Sam!! Hope you'll have a great, blessed, restful hol in Aus. Come back with some kangaroos ok?
PM -- VCF!!! Finally, after so long. I totally miss everyone. It was great to be back in fellowship. How I wished could spend more time with everyone...

Wed:
AM --Rest (woke up at 11am), and went to see polyclinic for referral to NSC (yes, my acne!!!). Didn't know Hougang Poly shifte to Bungkok Green...
PM -- Dinner with SMA

Thu (Today):
AM -- With Aaron, MC and Shera to trek Handerson Waves (totally cool!! We took lots of photos with Shera's cam n mine. Thank God for the great weather, for beautiful nature and great friends.) Met Xian, Kenny, WZ and Jon who were mugging for Peads. ALL the best guys!!!
PM -- Visit 婆婆

Fri:
AM -- Lunch with Shen Kiat
PM -- Leading worship @ 中友

Sat:
AM -- send Ben off to the airport
PM -- worship prac for Sunday

Ah, a friend commented that shouldn't I be freer during the hols? My honest reply, hols always seem busier for me :) So many things to be done, so many things I want to do, yet no time/energy to do them...I had come up with a list of stuff I wanted to accomplish during this break, but I'm less than halfway complete :( Still got impt things to do like pack my OnG notes, call someone, prep for the worships, prepare for Patho, complete some serial etc...Arg!!! Father, how?!?!? Can I wish for more time?

But thank God He's a just and faithful God. He has given all of us 24h equally, it just depends on how we use them. Father, do give me wisdom to use my time wisely that your Name be glorified!!

**********

Anyway, a random tot tat came to mind. Shera was sharing tat we as doc have a very stable job in the future, cos wherever we go, we will be employed. So i tot, since we have the assurance of a stable job, why study so hard, be under so much stress? Just make it thru MBBS, survive HOship and then go be a GP somewhere. Don't need to worry bout trainingship or anymore stress... ... sounds gd eh? But is that what God wants me to do? Is that how He wld like to see me spend my life? The ans was a definite NO!!! And tat's why I'm studying so hard, giving myself the stress to know my stuff (and living in the constant fear of not being competent). Cos I'm answerable and accountable to God who has given me this precious chance to be in Med.

That's the beauty of med I guess, that we don't study just to pass, or to compete with each other. But we study so we can be competent to serve our patients in the future! I love med!!!

On that note...I'll better be bucking up. My foundations are really lousy!!! Oh Father Lord, help me!!! Discipline!!! Focus!!!

My prayer and confidence...

Into your handsI commit againwith all I amfor you LordYou hold my worldIn the palm of your handsand I'm yours forever

Jesus I believe in youJesus I belong to youYou're the reason that I live the reason that I sing with all I am

I'll walk with you wherever you goThrough tears and joyI'll trust in youAnd I will livein all of your ways and your promises forever

I will worship I will worship you forever

If I was a baby...

Was mugging at Habourfront center Food Junction. OnG EOPT/MBBS in 4 days....stressed!!!

Took a break. Window shopped. Walked past MotherCare...

Saw the many parents and parents-to-be shopping for baby products. Out of curiosity, my legs also brought me into their midst.

Suddenly, I felt like a parent too. Thinking how I would raise my kids, how I would bring them to shop, me and my wife considering what to buy, the necessities and luxuries...I looked at the smiles of the parents all around me, and recalling the many interactions I've had with mothers thru the posting...This mini-excursion seems to make the whole process of become a mother more complete...the little out-of-hospital realities...

... ... ...

On my way home, saw a dad piggybacking his daughter. An instant flashback of how my Dad used to piggyback me, who was exhausted after a day of excursion. As I slept in the security of his arms, laid comfortably on his shoulders and drooling onto his back...Ah, how I wish I could be a baby again...

I am a big baby secure in the arms of my Father in heaven!!

... ... ...

ARG!!! The stress!!!!...Hahah...hallusinating...
But God's love is real!!! It's not an illusion...

Abortion

Had wanted to see a termination of pregnancy (TOP) for myself, to have a better understanding of the procedure and also to experience it...

I stepped into the OT unknowing tat a dilation and evacuation (D&E) was being done. It was just a normal procedure, done in less than 10min, no drama no excitement. I just stood there and went "Orh"...it was only after the patient was wheeled out did I realise it was a TOP...

And then came the second case for TOP. Still the same D&E, 10min, and it was over. But this time my heart was greatly disturbed...10min, that was all it took to end a precious life, a life that God had allowed to grow in the mother's womb. Worst of all, there was no sense of loss or grief in that OT, there was no treasuring of the life just lost...I don't blame the staff, for TOPs are really "bread n butter"...But man, this simply cheapens life...

Wont' want to go into a whole ethical arguement of abortion...But for me, I'm certainly going to be an objector!!

My first delievery...

It was hours of pain and agony for the mother.

I recall Mum (the patient) walking into the delivery suite with a handsome Dad (the patient's husband). I recall their smile and friendly faces, her beautifully tied up hair and elegantly white night gown. I recall the sweet young lady whose hand I shook as I introduced myself.

But as the labour progressed, the transformation came. From beautifully tied up, I soon see a ugly sweat stained hair forming a messy spread. The friendly face now stained with sweat and tears, filled with painful helplessness, full of agony and distress. The once confident Dad, stripped of confidence, replaced by helplessness, watching Mum struggle as the contractions got worse.

Each time I reviewed them, Dad kept asking how long more. I explained to the best of my abilities and I know Dad held onto my every word hopefully. It was then I remembered the purpose of mugging, not for the academia, not for pride, but for my patients.

Time passed quickly for me (it was a night call, plus had many things to do), but for the couple, I know it must have been like an eternity of torture. Mum was going into wired distortions, gritting onto her teeth, clenching tightly to Dad's hands. It was a painful sight! Even I grew helpless seeing Mum in such agony yet refusing all forms of analgesia. Gen 3:16 "To the women [God] said, "I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing; with pain you will give birth to children"..."

But soon, stage 2 begin. The room, once filled with only Mum's groans was now joined by the midwife and my screams. "Push...1...2...3...change breath and go...1...2...3...you're doing very well...I can see the baby's head...some more..." Amidst the frantic excitement, there was a heartwarming scene. Dad holding onto Mum's hand tightly and wiping the sweat off her forehead. Tired out and a little overwhelmed, Dad could only count weakly along with us.It was from the corner of my eye that I saw Dad bending over, giving Mum a gentle kiss and whispered: "You can do it. I'm here with you". Ah, my heart melts.

With a final push, the baby's head soon emerged. Pushing against the perineum with my right hand, my left was left to apply a constant flexion force on the baby's head. I was so afraid to press on the baby's head, fearful of any damage I might cause. But the midwife held my hand and applied quite some force so I guess it must be alright. Nonetheless, I found myself praying for the Lord's protection on the baby (n that we ain't doing any serious damage). As the baby rotated clockwise and the shoulders were visualised. I slipped my left hand under the anterior (baby's right) axila and my right grabbing the posterior (baby's left) shoulder, pulled the baby upwards with continued clockwise rotation.

And the baby was out! Boy you should have been there. The whole atmosphere in the room rocketed and joy filled the once cold stillness. Dad was smiling broadly and gave Mum a victorious hug. Mum, on the hand smiled weakly, but her eyes shone full of hope. Me? I was almost touched to tears. Staring at the baby, I was flooded by great emtions. I turned to a teary Dad and relieved Mum, saying "Congratulations. I am really pround of you."

I stopped short at that. But how I wished I could encourage the parents more, to remind them to teach their child well, to love him and care for him, and even to prepare them for the tough road ahead. Proverb 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. " I prayed over the child, that he will grow up healthily to become a fine gentleman, to honour his parents and be a blessing to others. But my greatest prayer was that he will know the Lord who gave him life and walk closely in His way.

I don't know the name of the child, neither would I remember the names of Dad and Mum...I would probaly never meet either of them again. But I know the Lord will!! Father Lord, I pray that you would hear my prayers and bless this child, that he would walk in the ways of You and even come to know You and accept You as his personal saviour.

*Skip the details of how I fumbled post stage 2 eg clamping the cord, cleaning the baby, trying to carry the baby (boy are they slippery), drawing blood from the uterine vein, delievering the placenta etc*

Of babies and adults

*just back from OnG night call*

Babies are undeniably the cutest things :)

They are so innocent, so adorable, so full of hope, so pure...even their cry sends such joy and hope to the parents...ok, i refer to their first cry

But as I look at us grown ups, I just find it hard to imagine that we were all once babies...We're so complicated, so dark often so mysterious...

Ah, we live in a fallen world indeed...

Would Christ make us all babies once again? I wonder...

Pharyngitis!!!!

Arh...sore throat...can't talk...pain pain

Haha, maybe God's reminding me to speak less and listen more :)